gurabad | 037 » on and on we carry through the fear

[ Some people only cause Zephirin's frown to darken, and so the change of subject to Emmanellain's plans seems poorly received. By now, the jam cookie is unlikely to make it to Zephirin's mouth; Zephirin curls his fingers around it, folding his arms atop the table.

Discussing Charibert's class any further is of no help, however. It's obvious that Francel wants the topic closed. ]

A party?

[ Zephirin's tone retains its clipped edge until, at last, it smooths out into something too calm, even flat. ]

Your parents would be there?

Oh! No, not our parents. Just us kids. So our brothers and sisters and friends like that. They’re all working, though. I mean, only Emm and I are still in college.

[unsure of how to approach zephirin’s seemingly sour mood, francel says too much, mile-a-minute. in his haste to turn the conversation towards something less dark, he leaves his elbows up on the table.]

And you’re not that much older than me, are you, Zephirin?

[ Francel's explanation allows Zephirin to gauge Emmanellain's expectations. A party with Francel's parents present would lean towards a more formal affair, perhaps uncomfortably so — unsurprisingly, Emmanellain's "get-together" leaves them out. A party whose attendees are predominantly Emmanellain's friends would probably devolve into a rowdy gathering, but his decision to invite a stranger adds a degree of formality to an otherwise casual event.

If Zephirin accepts, what he is to Francel might become one question to field. ]

That depends. [ A guess would put Francel somewhere around his late teens to early twenties. ] I would assume that I'm closer in age to some of your siblings than your parents.

[francel was paying close attention to zephirin’s explanations in spite of his aggressive snacking, but his interest in this matter of zephirin’s age obviously outstrips any interest he had in advanced verb conjugations. he does not move, not exactly, but he watches zephirin so intently that it may well feel as though he is leaning over the desk.]

My oldest brother is thirty years old, and I am currently twenty-two. [suddenly he wonders if zephirin thinks that far too young.] I’ll be twenty-three in March.

[ Francel's gazing at Zephirin like a curious kitten focused on a dangling toy bespeaks his undisguised interest in an answer that confirms his assumption. Consistently, the boy seems younger than he is, but he is older than Zephirin estimated, a mere seven-year gap between them.

Zephirin leans back in his chair slightly, taking his arms away from the table. ]

Is your brother "much older", to you?

Ah... Stephanivien?

[francel volunteers his oldest brother's name, though zephirin has no need to hear it — like a kitten whose wiggling body belies his intent to strike.]

Not especially... He's so ridiculous that most of the time I feel as though I'm the elder brother. And thirty isn't very old at all, really. Though we do like to tease him about it, now and then.

[ Finally, though his eyes remain on Francel, his attention on the conversation, Zephirin takes a bite of the cookie in his hand. As if its taste has lifted his mood, all displeasure is gone from his expression, something warmer than neutrality there as Francel opens up a little more about his family. ]

I see... If I'm able to accept the invitation, I look forward to meeting him. Has Emmanellain given you a date and time?

[after watching the way zephirin’s mood seems to lift after biting into his cookie at last, francel finds himself wondering if his baking skills are better than he thought. he smiles in relief.]

Knowing him, he is planning something for Saturday evening, at our homes. Not too late, of course. Six o’ clock or so, I’d imagine. I can give you a finalized date after I speak to him later... Would that work for you?

I'll keep that evening free. Janlenoux has mentioned some plans of his own, but as they're nothing concrete yet, I don't think his will clash with Emmanellain's. Are you interested?

[ The tutoring session has turned into a chat between friends. Checking the time, Zephirin resolves to steer the conversation back to Francel's coursework at the end of their allocated hour without upsetting the boy. ]

In Janlenoux’s plans?

[again, francel’s sudden and obvious eagerness might lend the false impression that he is interested in the odd-eyed baker; in reality, he is merely excited to receive any kind of invitation from zephirin.]

Oh, I always have free time! What is he planning?

[ Now Francel perks up like a puppy anticipating a treat — Janlenoux has moved up from a source of anxiety to someone Francel seems eager to see again. The cat soaking up the sun's rays makes a return. ]

You'll hear from me when I have an update, then. Knowing Janlenoux, he would like us over for lunch or dinner, but I can't speak for Adelphel's input.

[ Adelphel's input is guaranteed, however, and Zephirin thinks it prudent to give Francel a heads-up, hoping to avoid driving him to panic the way he did at the Forgotten Baguette. ]

Adelphel... ah, that really pretty boy?

[adelphel is likely francel's age or older, but "man" somehow does not seem to accurately describe his impossibly pretty face.]

He was cute... but I got the impression that he's very aware of it...

[ Every remark is objectively true, but Zephirin only nods, confirming that Francel is thinking of the right person. ]

You're the same age, I believe. He and Janlenoux live together.

[ Which means that Adelphel must have been especially impatient to pick up his macaroons. ]

Oh, do they...?

[francel mulls this over for a moment, wondering if janlenoux and adelphel are living together or living together — but either way, it doesn't much matter, and it's not terribly relevant to francel. suddenly, he snickers.]

Zephirin, did you get dumped for a cuter roommate?

[ The sound reminds Zephirin that Francel has a playful side, one that appears to help him lose his frequently recurring nervousness. Not above playing along this time, too, Zephirin lifts his shoulders slightly in a shrug. ]

Perhaps thirty is too old after all.

[ It had nothing to do with age or appearance, of course — Janlenoux simply agreed to Adelphel's suggestion, and as a roommate, Adelphel likely appeals to his friend's penchant for taking care of others, in ways that Zephirin does not. ]

...Thirty is just right.

[just right for what, francel does not specify. suddenly, though his playfulness does not dissipate, his confidence seems to. he draws back into his seat, giggling shyly into his hands as he holds them close to his mouth. the effect is rather as though he is a mischievous faerie laughing over a secret.]

Is it?

[ It's an odd choice of comment, if Francel means to reassure Zephirin about his desirability as a roommate. Instead, it comes off as a private joke.

Zephirin asks his question with a subtle quizzical quirk of one eyebrow, but he prefers Francel's seeming delight to imagining him in tears over his French literature class. ]

How so?

Ehehehe...

[thirty is the age of peak maturity, according to some people, but for francel, at least, zephirin's age simply makes it easier to imagine the man as the calm and attractively self-sufficient bachelor he very likely is. still giggling, francel daydreams about zephirin coming home after work, taking a moment to change out of his stiff collared shirt and into something more comfortable (sweatpants, perhaps? or plaid flannel pajamas?), working on dinner in the kitchen...]

...It means your closet is really organized!

[ Once again, Francel's endearingly amusing preoccupation with Zephirin's closet rears its head. Zephirin, for his part, wears the expression of someone gratified to hear Francel's praise — the calmly smug cat finishes nibbling on his cookie. ]

Ah. Most likely, that was the problem... We were incompatible from the beginning.

[ Living with Adelphel, Janlenoux presumably picks up after his friend on a regular basis. ]

[something about zephirin's faintly pleased demeanor makes francel want to rub a finger beneath his chin and stroke him into relaxation. francel, too, takes up another cookie, although the time of their scheduled tutoring session is nearing its end — perhaps they both linger now as friends.]

Well, if you're looking for a new roommate, you'll let me know, won't you?

[ Zephirin doesn't have enough of a sweet tooth to take a fourth cookie, even if Francel's charming gesture of baking the entire batch puts him on par with Janlenoux regardless of his culinary skills. After a pause, he opens his planner to the coming week, pen in hand, but glances up from the page with a questioning look. ]

Do you have someone in mind?

[ Perhaps circumstances have changed. ]

...I was thinking that if I move out, it'll be easier for me to avoid Emmanellain.

[the fact that francel undoubtedly also wants to take a look at zephirin's organized closet is left unsaid.]

...That's too silly a reason, isn't it? Ahaha...

[ Circumstances have changed. On one hand, Emmanellain's overbearing manner shouldn't exasperate Francel into fleeing, driving him out of his own home — on the other hand, avoiding Emmanellain isn't the only benefit to moving out. ]

You know him better than I do, but he seems... persistent. [ Zephirin lowers his pen. He isn't looking for a roommate, content to live alone, but he suggests a second reason to justify Francel's idea: ] I suppose it would be easier to answer your questions after class as they come.

[taken by surprise, francel blinks, uncertain if he has truly heard the words that he just heard. he was only teasing about wanting to be zephirin's roommate — would the man truly allow a student entry to his home?]

Well.. my parents and siblings are often away at work, so I do live more or less on my own as it is. I doubt they would notice if I moved out... or, alternatively, if I moved someone in...

Another alternative could be to persuade Emmanellain to move out.

[ Francel's expressive face goes from playful to astonished, and so Zephirin adjusts his suggestions to sound less serious, concluding that the boy isn't planning to pursue his wishful thinking beyond joking about it. Should he need them, however, Francel has options. He must be aware by now that Zephirin wouldn't turn him away, despite the nature of their relationship.

Neatly, Zephirin writes the boy's name under the following Wednesday's entry in his planner. ]

Though admittedly, I don't see us as a good fit.

[ Given the choice in this hypothetical roommate search, Zephirin would choose Francel over Emmanellain. ]

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