037 » on and on we carry through the fear

[shiruyeh]

CALL ME OUT MEME.

♛ please refer to this list for canon muses and this list for original characters. ♛ "call" one of them out — you can do so by putting their name in the subject line of your post! ♛ this can be informal/formal/comment spam/crosscanon/shippy/smutty/whatever tickles your fancy! ♛ here are some prompts inspired by other memes! ❶ — texts from last night. ❷ — morning after. ❸ — drunk/drinking. ❹ — picture prompt. ❺ — insomnia. ❻ — sharing the same bed. ❼ — snow day. ❽ — sky gazing. ❾ — roadtrip.

Comments

[valhourdin]

[ Zephirin can't help but think that Civerege might urge Francel to come home, if he knew of the boy's exact living arrangements — if he had cause to suspect that Francel and his professor have grown too close. Lately, these affectionate moments come perhaps too readily, not only to Francel, and whether the boy looks to Zephirin as a father figure or an attentive older brother, or still thinks of his Zephinyan, his behaviour isn't discouraged. On the contrary, Zephirin's hand soon rests atop Francel's head, fingers combing through his hair once, twice, with undeniable fondness.

It wasn't long ago that they first met, but one might think that they were lovers, a couple together for months, even years. ]

I'll hold you to it. I may carry you to the bathroom for your toothbrush, however...

[haillenarte]

[francel pouts comically as zephirin expresses concern for his dental hygiene — he is, apparently, either offended that such a thing should even be questioned, or else offended that it should interrupt their loving embrace. sulking in so exaggerated a manner that it is plain his feelings were not actually hurt, he pushes his plush cheek against zephirin's fingers. evidently, he favors face rubs more so than the petting of his head, this evening.]

Only if you carry me back to bed after I brush my teeth. I have to be warm and comfy to fall asleep.

[he settles his head more firmly into zephirin's lap.]

You're the warmest and comfiest.

[hardly the sort of statement one makes to a mere professor from school.]

[valhourdin]

[ Indulging Francel's implicit request — demand? — Zephirin leaves his hand cradling the boy's cheek, near stroking it. Once again, all comparisons made between Francel and rabbits seem rather accurate, though resting his head in Zephirin's lap is the closest he can get to curling up there, loaf-shaped. ]

More so than your heap of blankets?

[ Zephirin's other hand creeps closer, toward said blankets, and plucks at one corner of the thick material. ]

You would be the first to say so.

[haillenarte]

Bed is comfier than blankets.

[the boy seems dangerously close to falling asleep in zephirin's lap, particularly as his breathing has slowed, and his voice has gotten softer. with a lazy, loving look in his eye, he blinks sleepily up at zephirin, all sweetness and light.]

You know, Zephirin, I... I feel really lucky to have met you. You've been so kind. After everything...

[valhourdin]

[ Apparently, it was no exaggeration to call Zephirin the warmest and comfiest, but despite his drowsiness, Francel is coherent, and his thoughts aren't drifting away to peaceful meadows and grazing sheep just yet. Zephirin searches the boy's sleepy expression — momentary concern drives it as he expects to find some memory of Aucheforne still plaguing Francel.

The hand cupping Francel's cheek moves its fingers slightly. ]

...You're welcome to continue to stay here.

[ A reminder, reassurance that Francel no longer needs, perhaps, or an admission that Zephirin is glad to have the company. ]

[haillenarte]

[francel smiles then, lifting his upper body so that he can press the plush pad of his cheek more firmly against zephirin's palm. his skin is smooth and curved as the surface of an apple. his eyes close once more. the world around them feels lovely and still.

when he speaks, however, his voice is timid, and soft — and even a touch apologetic.]

...Even if I might be in love with you?

[valhourdin]

[ Zephirin's hand stills. Silent for a moment in the wake of Francel's confession, he regards the boy, whose feelings could be a mild crush, nothing that won't pass. They could be less clear-cut.

Whatever the case, of course, Zephirin intends to tread with care, and it doesn't change his mind. Some part of him, that part now accustomed to Francel's presence, willingly encourages the boy to look to him as someone to rely on.

Stirring again, he traces the curve of Francel's cheekbone. His thumb trails toward the corner of the boy's mouth. ]

...Then you might find that I don't object to that, either.

[haillenarte]

[all this takes great courage on francel's part — it's hard to make a move on the man who has so generously given him shelter for all these weeks, even if some of his peers might argue that that makes all the more reason he should make a move. with a shy, furtive movement, he turns his head ever so slightly and kisses the pad of zephirin's thumb. there is a sorrowful glint to his eyes that suggests he is somehow begging, somehow groveling.]

...Are you sure? Because you... you deserve better than me. You'd be right to cast me out. I wish I could give you... what I used to be, but...

[valhourdin]

[ Francel's lips are soft and warm, tentative as they touch Zephirin's thumb. It's not unlike a butterfly's fleeting landing, or a rabbit's nuzzling its owner's hand.

In lieu of petting the boy this time, however, Zephirin lightly runs his thumb along Francel's bottom lip. The gesture might be meant for Francel's heart, slowly on the mend. ]

I'm of the opinion that you're fine as you are, Francel. [ He knows Francel only as the boy before him now; this Francel has left an imprint in Zephirin's days that won't fade. ] Should you wish to go home, that would be a different matter, but I have no intention of casting you out myself.

[haillenarte]

...I don't want to go home just yet.

[francel says this every time the topic of his going home comes up, as though he still plans to, but it just hasn't been convenient to do so yet. in his heart of hearts, he knows that he will not want to leave zephirin's apartment until the man at last decides he's had enough of his onetime tutee.

again, the boy closes his eyes, looking relaxed and at peace — soothed by zephirin's proximity.]

You make me feel... too safe. Too happy.

[valhourdin]

Stay, then. We'll rearrange the apartment, if need be.

[ Once more, Zephirin reminds Francel to make himself at home freely. Outwardly, there may be no indication of it, but warmth blossoms within his chest, akin to satisfaction.

Friends and colleagues have begun to comment on something different about Zephirin, of late — it's difficult to discern in a man not given to obvious displays of emotion, but he seems happier, at peace himself. ]

I'll admit to selfishness — I would be sorry to see you leave.

[ Finally, Zephirin moves his hand, adjusting its placement until his knuckles brush against the blade of Francel's ear. ]

[haillenarte]

I don't think that's selfish...

[francel turns his cheek closer to zephirin's hand as the man's fingers caress his ear; he opens his eyes, smiling at his beloved with dazzling warmth. he looks as though he would gladly die on zephirin's command.

perhaps, in a sad way, this is the part of francel that aucheforne couldn't stand — not his fragility, not his money, but the sheer depth of his love. the weight of someone else's heart is a heavy thing to bear, and francel gives so much of himself.]

Do you... do you feel selfish enough to want to hold me?

[valhourdin]

[ He has come close to holding Francel, doing nothing to discourage the boy's tactile habits, but it was never with any conscious intent to gain pleasure from it himself. His apartment was to be Francel's safe haven, and his touches a means of comforting the boy. Any traitorous wants woken inside of him, bordering on taking advantage of Francel in his vulnerability, would remain buried.

And yet, as Francel's face brightens with his smile, Zephirin's qualms dissipate. His answer for Francel is wordless — spreading his arms, he invites the boy into an embrace. ]

[haillenarte]

[francel leaps into this embrace like an eager puppy, taking his blankets with him; he encases zephirin in warm cloth as he wraps his arms around the professor's waist.

nothing about this is traitorous or selfish. francel looks so overjoyed at finding his feelings even partially reciprocated that denying him might have been more cruel than "taking advantage" of him.

eager and happy, francel nuzzles into zephirin's neck and presses a pair of chaste kisses into the corner of his jawbone, where his neck meets his ear.]

Ehehehehehe!

[valhourdin]

[ Zephirin's arms close around Francel with ease, beneath the blankets now shared between them. Subtly, his breath catches as the boy resumes his shy kisses, his rabbit-like nuzzling, all tempting warmth and tenderness.

Perhaps Francel has fallen in love with a source of kinder treatment, but the outcome is the same as it would have been if they had met to grow closer in happier circumstances — Zephirin holds the weight of the boy's heart in his hands, and he means to keep it from fresh hurts.

Turning his head slightly, he kisses a lock of Francel's hair where it is tousled into charming tufts. He murmurs two words into the boy's ear: ]

Thank you.

[haillenarte]

What is there to thank me for?

[beneath his covers, francel is deliciously warm, soft in all the right places, yet firm in other, more promising ways. he giggles when his hair is kissed; he clings to zephirin neither too tight nor too loosely, firmly encircling the man with his arms, both comforting and comforted.

again, it is difficult to imagine how aucheforne had the heart to mistreat him, when a francel in love is this sweet, this pure.]

I should be the one thanking you.

[valhourdin]

You have thanked me, as I recall — numerous times.

[ Zephirin's voice is warmer with a teasing note, still hushed. He succumbs to temptation, little by little, moving once more to stroke the same lock of hair that he kissed moments ago, and lets his hand wander lower, thumb brushing the corner of Francel's smile again. ]

I'd like to thank you for your continued company, as well as your honesty. Perhaps I should follow your example...

[ Leaning away an ilm or two, Zephirin places his hand beneath Francel's chin. Gravely, though the question isn't serious, he asks: ]

If I were to kiss you, would I be required to inform Civerege?

[haillenarte]

[the boy laughs at that, shaking his head at the thought of zephirin calling his housekeeper for what would amount to a father's approval. civerege is a good man, but he has other and better things to concern himself with, and he doesn't deserve to be pestered about francel's love life on his day off.]

You'll be required to keep it a secret from Civerege. That poor man doesn't deserve to be called every time I kiss or am kissed by someone.

[francel tips his head up, however, pursing his lips ever so slightly. his eyelids droop and close. evidently, he expects his kiss.]

[valhourdin]

[ Zephirin's heart savours this — Francel's laughter, the boy's anticipation, both unrestrained. And Francel isn't cruelly kept in suspense much longer. Closing the space between them, Zephirin kisses him, a chaste brush of their lips as gentle as Francel's kisses pressed to Zephirin's thumb and jaw.

He might deepen it, but for the moment, he merely awaits Francel's response, mindful of Aucheforne's genuinely selfish demands. ]

[haillenarte]

[francel accepts his kiss gleefully, though he seems mildly startled when zephirin backs away without deepening it, or pushing further. pleasantly surprised, he blinks, tilting his head to one side as if to gauge zephirin's reaction.]

...You kiss so gently.

[aucheforne was fond of more passionate pursuits — even in the peak of their honeymoon season, he was partial to gripping francel's hair as they kissed.]

[valhourdin]

[ Zephirin, in turn, assesses Francel's expression — most likely, exchanging such gentle kisses is rather vanilla compared to the boy's past experiences. Nevertheless, he seems to like it well enough, only curious.

Their faces a few easily closed ilms apart, Zephirin requests Francel's input. ]

How do you prefer to be kissed?

[haillenarte]

...M-Me? [the boy asks, as if somehow someone else is supposed to answer this question in this situation.] Um...

[it's hard to say that francel reacts badly to the question, but he doesn't seem to react favorably to it, either. he bites his lip as if troubled by the very thought of having to choose anything for himself.

what does he prefer? is this a test? if he answers incorrectly, will zephirin decide that he doesn't want this after all?]

No, that — that doesn't matter, does it? You can kiss me however you'd like to kiss me. The important thing is that you want to, so...

[valhourdin]

[ Francel's uncertainty now speaks volumes: any preferences of his own didn't matter to Aucheforne, who must have stamped them out if the boy so much as tried to assert a single one. He has them, surely, pushed deep down inside of him where they couldn't be a bother to risk his ex-boyfriend's anger.

Even out of Aucheforne's reach, Francel retains his need to please. ]

I intend to. [ Zephirin has yet to pull away or release Francel; still he does neither. ] But if I would like to kiss you as you enjoy being kissed, I may fall short of that goal without your help.

[ It's an opening for Francel if he chooses to take it, but Zephirin won't pressure him into an answer. ]

[haillenarte]

But I... I'm fine as long as you're the one kissing me. I...

[more than just a little flustered, francel doesn't feel as though he has a strong preference one way or the other — but then perhaps it is as zephirin expects, that aucheforne's insistence that things be done his way has destroyed francel's ability to have his own opinions on things. the boy hesitates, watching a little lock of zephirin's hair flutter as he breathes. so pretty, he thinks absently. he doesn't deserve this beauty, this prettiness...]

I don't know. What if — wh-what if we kiss a few times, both ways? Maybe then I could... decide?

[valhourdin]

A good idea.

[ Francel's suggestion is an improvement, and his reward begins with an approving smile. Once more, Zephirin leans in, closer until their mouths meet, but this time, the kiss lingers; gently, he nips at Francel's bottom lip, tracing it.

There are, of course, other ways to kiss than taking it so slowly, but for now, Zephirin acts with caution for the sake of easing Francel into ascertaining what he enjoys. ]