gurabad | 037 » on and on we carry through the fear

[ Once again, Francel's endearingly amusing preoccupation with Zephirin's closet rears its head. Zephirin, for his part, wears the expression of someone gratified to hear Francel's praise — the calmly smug cat finishes nibbling on his cookie. ]

Ah. Most likely, that was the problem... We were incompatible from the beginning.

[ Living with Adelphel, Janlenoux presumably picks up after his friend on a regular basis. ]

[something about zephirin's faintly pleased demeanor makes francel want to rub a finger beneath his chin and stroke him into relaxation. francel, too, takes up another cookie, although the time of their scheduled tutoring session is nearing its end — perhaps they both linger now as friends.]

Well, if you're looking for a new roommate, you'll let me know, won't you?

[ Zephirin doesn't have enough of a sweet tooth to take a fourth cookie, even if Francel's charming gesture of baking the entire batch puts him on par with Janlenoux regardless of his culinary skills. After a pause, he opens his planner to the coming week, pen in hand, but glances up from the page with a questioning look. ]

Do you have someone in mind?

[ Perhaps circumstances have changed. ]

...I was thinking that if I move out, it'll be easier for me to avoid Emmanellain.

[the fact that francel undoubtedly also wants to take a look at zephirin's organized closet is left unsaid.]

...That's too silly a reason, isn't it? Ahaha...

[ Circumstances have changed. On one hand, Emmanellain's overbearing manner shouldn't exasperate Francel into fleeing, driving him out of his own home — on the other hand, avoiding Emmanellain isn't the only benefit to moving out. ]

You know him better than I do, but he seems... persistent. [ Zephirin lowers his pen. He isn't looking for a roommate, content to live alone, but he suggests a second reason to justify Francel's idea: ] I suppose it would be easier to answer your questions after class as they come.

[taken by surprise, francel blinks, uncertain if he has truly heard the words that he just heard. he was only teasing about wanting to be zephirin's roommate — would the man truly allow a student entry to his home?]

Well.. my parents and siblings are often away at work, so I do live more or less on my own as it is. I doubt they would notice if I moved out... or, alternatively, if I moved someone in...

Another alternative could be to persuade Emmanellain to move out.

[ Francel's expressive face goes from playful to astonished, and so Zephirin adjusts his suggestions to sound less serious, concluding that the boy isn't planning to pursue his wishful thinking beyond joking about it. Should he need them, however, Francel has options. He must be aware by now that Zephirin wouldn't turn him away, despite the nature of their relationship.

Neatly, Zephirin writes the boy's name under the following Wednesday's entry in his planner. ]

Though admittedly, I don't see us as a good fit.

[ Given the choice in this hypothetical roommate search, Zephirin would choose Francel over Emmanellain. ]

Hah?! Wh-Why not?

[francel’s expressive face conveys hurt bewilderment. he has, evidently, misinterpreted zephirin’s remark, and thinks that he is the bad fit for zephirin's hypothetical roommate.]

Edited 2017-12-12 00:29 (UTC)

[ It's not the reaction that Zephirin was aiming for, to say the least. In turn, Zephirin's face assumes a look of mildly puzzled dismay. His sense of humour is apparently something of an atrophied muscle... ]

...What leads you to disagree?

I — I thought you liked me...

[francel seems like a balloon suddenly punctured, floating in zigzags through the air towards the ground. instead of crumpling to the floor, he hunches over in his chair, obviously upset despite what seems to be an attempt to keep a straight face.]

[ Francel the punctured balloon, deflating dramatically, his voice almost inaudible, swiftly triggers the realization that there's been a misunderstanding. Zephirin reaches across the table, laying his hand upon Francel's forearm, only briefly, to prompt the boy to look up.

Bluntly, before Francel progresses to a state any more crushed than this, he clarifies: ]

I meant Emmanellain.

...Oh.

[with those mere three words, zephirin pumps a tiny bit of air into francel's deflated form. francel looks up — his eyes gleam with a faint wetness.]

...Okay.

[he sniffs.]

[ Thankfully, they're not having their conversation in the middle of a crowded classroom, and unlike Charibert, Zephirin doesn't comment on the tears in Francel's eyes, though the sight brings another frown to his face. Without a word, he slips his hand inside the coat hanging over the back of his chair, takes out a packet of tissues, and places it on the table in front of Francel. Averting his gaze for Francel to compose himself in peace, Zephirin then packs up his belongings. ]

[though francel delicately extracts a single tissue and uses it to dab at his eyes, zephirin's silence makes him feel anxious, unwanted. it isn't as though he needs to be comforted, but — he is simply afraid of being abandoned, and he apologizes so fervently that a passersby might think that zephirin had specifically asked him to beg for forgiveness.]

I-I'm sorry... I spoiled the mood, didn't I? I'm so sorry...!

[ Zephirin's gaze flicks back toward Francel. The room isn't perfectly soundproof, and passersby will hear Francel's apologies before long — the boy sounds on his way to crying in earnest.

Once more, Zephirin reaches across the table, opting to intervene somewhat inappropriately: he brings his index finger close to Francel's mouth. ]

No. [ Shaking his head, Zephirin takes his hand away. ] I apologize... My joking was no better than Professor de Leusignac's comments.

[ Francel's recent breakup may be to blame for his jumping to the wrong conclusion, his emotions still fragile. ]

[some less rational part of francel whispers to him that he's ruined everything now, that he looks like a dreadful fool, that zephirin must surely hate him. the finger near his mouth, however, brings his train of negative thoughts to a sudden halt. francel blinks in surprise, wide-eyed and small-mouthed, and stammers out a denial.]

...N-No... that's not true. Professor de Leusignac meant to tease me... in this case, I just misunderstood.

I'm surprised, to tell the truth.

[ On an odd whim, perhaps to see Francel's reaction, perhaps to silence the thoughts written in every line of Francel's expression, Zephirin plucks a tissue from the packet between them, and begins to pull apart its layers, taking care not to tear them. Each thin sheet is smoothed flat, one on top of the other, in the shape of a star. Zephirin pokes his finger into the star's center, twisting the sheets of tissue paper into a short flower stem on the other side. ]

If I disliked you, I would restrict contact to these sessions.

[ He sets the finished flower down beside the packet of tissues. ]

[zephirin folds his tissues with a grace that suggests he has done such things before. curious — and distracted from his despairing thoughts — francel pokes tentatively at the flower that zephirin has made. he has a sudden desire to put it in his hair.]

...Okay.

[the boy gnaws upon his lip, and takes the flower in hand, cradling it in his palms as if it is precious treasure.]

I'm sorry... for overreacting.

[it's another apology, but at least he sounds calmer, and less likely to cry.]

[ Francel has hands best described as pretty, fine-boned, fingers slender. Cupped in his palms, the flower isn't a waste of clean tissue paper. ]

Let's put it behind us.

[ Was it an overreaction? To Francel, Zephirin's remark must have felt like a sudden slap. ]

Will you be alright?

[francel nods earnestly, his eyes closed, the better to express how genuinely alright he is. he tilts his head at zephirin and smiles.]

I'll be okay. Thank you.

[the fact that zephirin has packed up to leave is not lost on him, however, and he asks:]

...So, I'll see you next week? Or... this weekend?

[ Now that Francel won't dissolve in tears, convinced that Zephirin secretly hated him all along, Zephirin stands from his seat, draping his coat over one arm. With a small smile in return, he leaves the tissue paper flower in Francel's hands, the rest of the packet on the table. ]

Saturday evening, if Emmanellain confirms his plans. Otherwise we'll meet here again next week.

[as zephirin leaves, francel carefully transfers the flower in his palms to his chest pocket. smiling, he nods and begins to pack his own things up as well.]

Saturday evening, then...

[though emmanellain seems surprised to hear francel ask for a date and time (instead of waiting to have it foisted upon him, which is what usually tends to happen), he provides one: saturday, 6:30 in the evening, between the fortemps and haillenarte residences. francel clears his homework out well in advance of the date; he tries to pick out his very best clothing. he will have to let zephirin in at the gates, after all, and he would like to make an impression.

so it comes to pass that francel winds up anxiously waiting at the gates to the last vigil, wearing an oversized sweater in rose pink over his best jeans. he fusses with his hair, pulling stray locks into place and smoothing out the back of his head, over and over, so many times that it only starts to fluff up instead.]

[ Starting time and Francel's earlier explanations aside, Emmanellain's party plans are still shrouded in mystery on the day — but then, he expects his get-together to take shape on its own, once everyone is gathered in one place. Zephirin arrives early, pulling over to park near Last Vigil's gated grounds at 6:15. At twenty past six, approaching the gates, he is somewhat surprised to see Francel already waiting directly on the other side — whether for him or other guests.

Today, at least, the boy is dressed in warmer layers, though the sweater and his tousled hair give the impression that he was bundled up in bed before heading out into the cool evening air. ]

Francel. [ In lieu of a wave, Zephirin lifts one hand slightly. ] Had I known you were waiting, I would have come sooner...

Zephirin!

[francel looks so very happy to see zephirin that one would think them true lovers and not simply an unusually close tutor-tutee duo. francel has neglected to wear gloves, however, and he breathes on his hands to keep them warm as he beckons zephirin in through the gates.]

No, no, I chose to wait here... and you're early, anyway. Did you drive here? Do you want to park inside?

[ Francel is an excited puppy once again as he brightens upon Zephirin's arrival, greeting him as though his mere presence has made Francel's day. It raises the question of how long the boy has been standing by the gates (by contrast, Emmanellain is nowhere to be seen), and Zephirin doesn't prolong it — the fact that Francel is affected by the cold hasn't escaped his notice. Joining the boy past the gates, he falls into step with Francel. ]

I've parked on your street, not far from here. If that will be a problem, I'll move my car.

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