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014 » i know exactly what goes on

[if you asked kurose about it, he'd probably say... well, he probably wouldn't say much of anything. but he probably thinks that their dates — sorry, outings — are difficult to plan for. look: it's hard to figure out where to take your lover — sorry, patient and friend — when he's a germophobe who might have a nervous breakdown if he goes anywhere that's not a controlled environment.

that rules out most places, but kurose tries to be considerate: generally, he picks out places with only light to moderate stimuli. today, he's waiting for shirotani outside of an art gallery, already staring down a map of the various exhibits inside. this should go well, or so he hopes; museums are mostly zero-contact affairs, and shirotani shouldn't have to touch or be touched by anything he doesn't approve of.

like kurose himself.

the young counselor seems to perk up a little as shirotani approaches, stony-faced, with all the stoic excitement of a large watchdog.]

Shirotani-san.

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You worry too much about your age, Shirotani-san. [though, despite his deadpan teasing, kurose seems to be smiling faintly as he follows shirotani's gaze past the glass walls; they're walking past some more ukiyo-e displays now, but frankly, kurose is more invested in shirotani's expression.]

Well... I wore a yukata once or twice when I was a kid. It's different as an adult, though.

Kurose-kun as a child, he must have been very cute.

[ shirotani laughs pleasantly as they move to the next display, still keeping his attention on the exhibits. he can sense kurose's gaze on him as usual, heavy and probing.

he doesn't even remember if he had worn one as a child. perhaps a long time in the past, when things hadn't devolved the way they are right now. he wonders how different it would be had things remained the way they were. ]

... Doesn't it trouble you that I'm older though, Kurose-kun?

Why would it? [ah, there goes that frank honesty again.] If anything, I find it charming.

[...but then it occurs to him that he doesn't actually know how old shirotani is, and for once, his expression is actually a little bemused as they walk through the calligraphy section of the exhibit.] You're not that much older anyway, are you? You don't seem to be more than twenty-eight or twenty-nine years old...

[ ... is that how old he thinks he is?

shirotani blushes again as he turns away, fingers fumbling with the hem of his jacket. ]

I'm actually thirty-one ...

[kurose's approximate train of thought:

1. haha, what?
2. he's kidding, right
3. shit
4. he's serious
5. he's thirty-one????
6. how the fuck
7. he's thirty-one??????????]

[frankly, it's a stretch to even think of shirotani as being twenty-eight or twenty-nine to begin with, and the only reason kurose can manage it most days is because the mysophobe is always wearing the triple-layered suit of a businessman (which makes him seem significantly older than he would look if he simply donned jeans and a t-shirt).

...not that kurose is off-put by it or anything. it's shocking, sure, but there's something sort of delicious about the thought that he's been dominating a man five years older than him. he takes a moment to consider the numbers. when kurose was sixteen, shirotani would have been twenty-one; when kurose was eighteen, shirotani would have been twenty-three...

and so, end result:

8. that's kind of hot]

...That makes me like Shirotani-san even more, so please don't worry about it.

[ something sort of delicious ...

it's a good thing that mysophobia doesn't come hand in hand with esp, otherwise he would've ran out of the museum like the devil's dogs were at his heels. but shirotani still isn't that complacent, not with the expression that suddenly crosses kurose's face, his smile a very, very familiar curve. ]

Hearing that from you is worrying me even more! [ because he, of all people know, how kurose's brain works. ] Most people would be surprised but you look pleased, for some reason.

[ probably for a reason that he shouldn't find out. ]

I was surprised. I'm just happy to have learned something new about you.

[for like. a second, maybe. and it sure as hell wasn't visible on his face. but it's a good thing that kurose's thoughts are never visible on his face — otherwise, his companion would be looking at a rather complex and drawn-out fantasy involving a school-aged kurose and an unrealistically willing shirotani...]

But... would your impression of me change if you found out I wasn't the age you thought I was?

[ god, shirotani doesn't need to know about that fantasy tyvm. he already has enough on his plate even without the thought of kurose in a gakuran dominating him in his mind.

but that is a good question, one that gets his gaze to flicker at the younger male curiously. ]

You're already in your twenties, right? Late-twenties?

[ right????? because if he's not — ]

Edited 2016-02-06 03:54 (UTC)

[kurose just.

makes that face.

you know the one.]

Hmm, I wonder.

[ ... oh my god.

if it helps kurose even more, shirotani wasn't blessed with the useful skill of keeping his expressions in check as his mind tries to process what the other male just said.

no, it can't be, right? he's always known that kurose is younger than him; he even confirmed it to him when they first met. but he can't be that young, can he? a full-time counselor in a psychiatric clinic means he's at least in his mid-twenties, right?

as shirotani realizes that very moment, he actually doesn't know the answer to that question. ]

H, how many years are you younger?

[ why does dw eat my comment in half? ]

Edited 2016-02-06 04:20 (UTC)

[kurose really can't help the chuckle that comes out of his chest in response to the expression on shirotani's face — though he does his best to suppress it, shoulders shaking in silent laughter, since shirotani seems to have a complex about being laughed at...]

I'm twenty-six years old. [he says, reassuringly, as if to ease all of shirotani's fears —

— then he reaches out and grabs the older man's shoulder, pulling him close, if only because two small children are playing tag in the museum hallway, and would have barreled right into shirotani if kurose hadn't grabbed him.]

Watch where you're going. [kurose says, to the kids, but they're already gone.]

[ it's an understandable complex, especially when shirotani's spent a part of his life being laughed at behind his back for his condition. and kurose, suppressing his laughter or not, is hardly helping, prickling those insecurities even more.

he'd move away from him irritably if it weren't for the arm that pulls him close, keeping him from colliding with two children that somehow slips past his guard. almost immediately, his heartbeat quickens and shirotani pushes himself away from the circle of his arm when the coast is clear. ]

They're gone now. Thank you, Kurose-kun ... [ a quiet murmur as always as he starts for the next exhibit with as much determination he can muster in a room half-filled with people.

a difference of five years between them, and yet he's the one depending on him. using kurose as a crutch to his shortcomings. he feels even worse knowing this. ]

You don't have to thank me.

[if kurose is offended by shirotani's reaction, he doesn't show it; instead, he resolutely shoves his hands back into his pockets, following shirotani to the next exhibit, then the next...

and then quite suddenly they've reached the end of the displays and wound up back at the main hall again, at which point kurose simply looks between the large doors to their right and left and smirks.]

Well, where do you want to go next, Shirotani-san? I can tell you now that children aren't allowed in the east wing...

[ urk ... and to think that he was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice walking out into the main hall, faced with two doors that resemble more like two evils.

which is the lesser evil? on the one hand, children are certainly forbidden in the east wing because of the current exhibit. which means zero chance of ever getting into another almost-accident like earlier. on the other hand, kurose can be even worse than a spoiled child in situations like this, relentless despite his air of calm.

his hand shifts against his bag strap, as if trying to glean courage from the strip of leather. ]

I — [ his answer is decided by one of the kids playing tag, running around him in a circle as he tries to evade his playmate before rushing off in a burst of laughter.

lesser evil indeed. at least in the east wing, they're just paintings??? with a deep breath that seems more like a shudder — ]

L, lead the way then, Kurose-kun.

Are you sure? [yes, he's dragging this out just to torment shirotani.]

If you'd be more comfortable, you can wait outside while I go through the exhibit on my own. But then... you'll have to wait without me, of course.

[he's such a lovely counselor, really.]

[ taking his offer of a free consultation sure is the biggest mistake shirotani has ever done in his life.

but ugh, he sure knows how to tug on shirotani's proverbial leash, this do-s. ]

I, I'll be fine. They're just artwork ... [ he says it as if trying to convince himself more than the other man. which is pretty much the point here, because if there's a person in this room who needs convincing to go to the east wing, it's him. ] Just artworks, that's all.

[with all the worldly air of a scholar:] Sex, and the depiction of sex, are just fundamental parts of the human experience.

[...does kurose actually believe that? more likely it's just something he's saying to make shirotani uncomfortable. the young counselor crosses the main hall to the closed entryway of the east wing so that he can hold the door open for shirotani, cutting a rather gallant figure as he leans on it to keep it open.

they have to show a receptionist at the gates their identification, to make sure that they're age-appropriate for the exhibit — but the woman doesn't need to look at them for too long to be assured of their respective ages, and (much to shirotani's undoubted relief) she doesn't even ask to be able to handle them.

that places the two men smack in the middle of a hall filled with pictures of other men going at it... and of course, kurose seems pretty smug about the whole thing.

at least it's in chronological order, so the exhibit starts out with rather crude images from grecian urns.]

Fascinating.

[...he says, in the most deadpan voice.]

[ and it's a human experience that shirotani certainly doesn't wish to delve into deeply.

at least, that's what his mind thinks. his body, on the other hand, has a very different opinion as he's ushered into a hall full of artwork about sex from across the ages. already, he can feel warm starting from the tips of his ears moving down to his cheek, so much so that wearing a coat and a jacket underneath is suffocating. but he dares not remove it, not wanting to know what else his body decides to do or show.

he moves closer to kurose, slowing down just a bit and keeping his gaze on the marble floor of the hall. clearly his tactic of finding something else to focus onto to keep his embarrassment down is not very effective in an exhibit where pretty much everything is out to embarrass him, kurose being the primary suspect here. so yes, looking at his leather shoes is so much better. ]

I thought your patients are often children, Kurose-kun.

Well... yes, they are.

[truth be told, kurose's not too interested in the pottery exhibits. yeah, frotting is nice and all, but older greek men had way too much beard going on. instead, the counselor casually watches shirotani stare resolutely at his shoes, taking in every little fidget and flicker with the attitude of a housecat being pampered.]

What about it?

[ ugh ugh stop staring at him, please?

shirotani tries to look elsewhere except he finds himself staring at an ukiyo-e art in the exhibit, the color on his cheeks reddening even more as he realizes what the two men were doing. ]

No, nothing ... Just ... [ why can't he look somewhere else?

his gaze flickers at kurose, taking in his calm-as-usual expression, before he turns back to the floor. there's nowhere safe in this room to look at, why ] I had thought that the exhibit might have something to do with your work [ hence his seemingly enthusiastic?? front?? ] but then, I realized your patients are children so ...

[ah yes. the section featuring monks. ancient japanese artists sure were... generous with their portrayal of genitals, weren't they. it's actually a little grotesque, in a way, but kurose didn't come here with the intention of actually looking at the exhibits.

he eases off of shirotani a little bit, though, staring at his own shoes — beat-up runners that they are — as he calmly dissects the secretary's observations.]

...I could be helping the director with some research, you know. Not all of our patients are children.

[ look, it's either this or moving onto more realistic depictions of homosexual relations ok. and as shirotani's been having a mental debate over which is the lesser evil, clearly staying here, surrounded by ancient japanese scrollwork, is something he can deal with more than going to the next set of art. plus moving means having to walk on jelly knees and legs, something that he can't manage at the moment. ]

A, ah, of course. You're right. [ awkward laugh.

... well duh, of course they have other patients. why else would he have chosen such a clinic had been reserved only for children? but his mind is on overdrive so he's having a bit of a difficulty with sensible thoughts. ]

It makes one wonder what kind of a problem such a research entails.

[ he should just stop digging his grave unconsciously. ]

[with just a hint of mischievousness:] I said that I could be — not necessarily that it was true.

[...which means he's probably just here because of his own interests.

though, speaking of his interests, he should really reward shirotani with something, somehow, for putting up with all of this. but it's hard to imagine shirotani enjoying much of anything — kurose vaguely suspects that the man spends nearly all of his time punishing himself in one way or another.]

...If you wanted to relax, Shirotani-san, what would you do?

[ you shouldn't have asked, kurose, because the question only serves to distract shirotani from having to look around the museum. after all, his response is crystal clear from the start: ]

I clean. [ duh ] During my off-days, I try to clean everything in my room, do laundry and make sure that everything's sanitized. It's meticulous work but very relaxing.

[ and he'll probably go into details of the rigors of being a mysophobe if kurose doesn't stop him. ]

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