014 » i know exactly what goes on

[injurious]

[if you asked kurose about it, he'd probably say... well, he probably wouldn't say much of anything. but he probably thinks that their dates — sorry, outings — are difficult to plan for. look: it's hard to figure out where to take your lover — sorry, patient and friend — when he's a germophobe who might have a nervous breakdown if he goes anywhere that's not a controlled environment.

that rules out most places, but kurose tries to be considerate: generally, he picks out places with only light to moderate stimuli. today, he's waiting for shirotani outside of an art gallery, already staring down a map of the various exhibits inside. this should go well, or so he hopes; museums are mostly zero-contact affairs, and shirotani shouldn't have to touch or be touched by anything he doesn't approve of.

like kurose himself.

the young counselor seems to perk up a little as shirotani approaches, stony-faced, with all the stoic excitement of a large watchdog.]

Shirotani-san.

Comments

[sensorial]

[ "outings" with kurose is often difficult to predict, something that shirotani both dread and look forward to. something that he somehow needs to prepare himself mentally for in case things start taking a turn for the uncontrollable and the worse.

it's a museum this time, which means less chance of needing to interact with others as much as possible and even lesser chance of getting a fish tossed his way for penguins to flock over. so somehow, this outing is making him a little optimistic — a little because of kurose's caprice and penchant for turning the tables on him 99% of the time that it's almost predictable in a way. ]

Kurose-kun, did you wait too long? [ he offers a smile — just as a group of kids run past him, forcing him to stumble to one side and out of their way. a young woman, clearly a teacher of sorts, waves at the group and ushers them inside the museum with hushed instructions.

no one told him that today is field trip day. ]

... I think I forgot something at home.

[injurious]

[ah. well. he supposes he should have expected shirotani to be especially afraid of groups of children. they are little walking germ-mobiles, after all. inwardly, kurose is amused, but he doesn't show it as he fixes shirotani with blank stare and answers honestly.]

I've only been here a few minutes. [a pause.] If there's anything you need, I can buy it for you here.

[if there's one thing he's really good at, it's sealing off escape routes.]

[sensorial]

[ and if there's one thing shirotani hates about him, it's his ability at sealing off escape routes.

ugh.

he tries to rack his brain for an excuse to get out of this specific outing, maybe even convince kurose that they go somewhere else instead. but he's sure that whatever excuse he makes will have an appropriate and compelling argument in return as to why it's not feasible. or worse, why kurose will play along with him and eventually steer him right where he wants him. bad idea on both accounts.

shirotani shifts his weight from one foot to another, inching away again from the remaining stragglers catching up to their class. ]

... No, it's all right. I'll probably be fine without it. [ sanity isn't too cheap anyway. ] You're not planning anything again, are you?

[injurious]

[kurose takes a few steps closer in response to shirotani's inching away. of course he does. he has to be there to save him from another class of children, after all.]

I planned an ordinary visit to a museum. [he says, defensively, but then his tone softens as his sheepish fingers rake through the hair at the back of his head.]

...It's just an art gallery, Shirotani-san. With ordinary art exhibits. I haven't brought you here to scare you or anything.

[sensorial]

[ had shirotani been the argumentative type, he would've pointed out that the things kurose does to him aren't often tactics to scare him. at least, not in the younger man's opinion. he, on the other hand, is terrified as always, no matter how innocent a gesture might be. so he hesitates for a bit, eyes flickering at the entrance of the museum.

but he gave his word that he would depend on him. and that very moment, he's the one person he can trust with this condition of his. ]

Do you promise that you won't do anything like you did back in the zoo?

[ he wants!! to make sure!! he doesn't need a flock of kids swarming him. ]

[injurious]

I promise.

[or so kurose says, exuding the grace and dignity of a knight swearing an oath of fealty in a period drama.

(but look, the penguins were really funny...)

he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, hands stuffed in his pockets, as he regards shirotani with deadpan consideration.] I won't even walk beside you, if that will make you uncomfortable.

...Can we go in?

[sensorial]

That's hardly necessary.

[ not walking beside him, that is. he finds that he doesn't like that idea at all.

but he gives him a slight nod and follows him inside, finding that it's warmer inside than it is outside. he'd take off his coat until one of the kids rush past him, causing him to move closer to kurose as if he's the one bastion of sanity he has in the museum. calm down, calm down. it wouldn't help anyone if he freaks out.

so he decides to change the topic instead, gaze moving around the museum. ]

Is there anything you'd like to see, Kurose-kun? I haven't been to this museum before so ...

[injurious]

According to the map, the north wing displays traditional Japanese paintings, and the west wing is for the museum's collection of Western art.

[kurose chose well: because most of the displays are locked behind glass walls, the museum curators don't ask to check their bags, making it ideal for a visitor like shirotani. the truth is, the young counselor hasn't been to this museum either, but with the map in his hands, he certainly sounds and looks authoritative.]

I wanted to see the temporary exhibit in the east wing first, though.

[sensorial]

[ with map in his hands, kurose does seem very knowledgeable of the area. and so shirotani simply follows him, lookimg around.

now that he thinks about it, he sees the amount of consideration kurose offers him. perhaps it's just not that visible when they're together, his actions that make him uncomfortable seemingly glaring. but with the exhibits behind a glass case and just the lack of contact with anything or anyone else, there's a reason for him to let out a sigh of relief, to put his guard for a little bit.

a temporary exhibit, he says ... shirotani's curious as to what it could be. ]

What's the exhibit about?

[injurious]

It's a collection of homoerotic pornography throughout the ages.

[...there's probably a special place in hell reserved for riku kurose.]

[sensorial]

[ ... oh my god, this is what shirotani has been dreading??? this side of kurose??? and to think he was giving him the benefit of the doubt for today.

backpedaling in three ... two ... ]

L, let's visit the north wing first, Kurose-kun.

[injurious]

Alright.

[he's a patient man, shirotani. you can't run for long.]

Do you enjoy traditional Japanese art, Shirotani-san?

[sensorial]

[ why does this feel like deja-vu? like it's happened before except he can't remember it (and wouldn't doubt at all if kurose did something to his memory to forget about it). shirotani shakes his head dismissively, pressing his lips together. ]

I don't dislike it. [ which is a roundabout way of saying that he's just trying to avoid the east wing exhibit.

he'll prolong kurose's agony if he has to. ] But it always gives a feeling of calmness when I look at it.

[injurious]

I see... that's good. I'm sure you could use some more tranquility in your life.

[truth be told, it doesn't even matter to kurose that they're avoiding his exhibit for now — the fun part is that shirotani is squirming at the thought of it, and this he can enjoy for the next forty minutes at least. he pauses in front of a scroll depicting some edo-period waterfall scenery, casual as any other museum attendee.]

Shirotani-san... would look very good in traditional clothing, I think. Wearing a kimono, for example...

[sensorial]

[ that's somehow very ironic, coming from kurose himself, the very person who shattered any semblance of tranquility in shirotani's life. he can't really say anymore when's the last time he had a calm moment in front of the man, whether inwardly or visibly. neither can he say if he disliked it or not.

(a part of him does, still protesting at the thought that a stranger would be able to turn his life upside down, but a part of him thinks otherwise. that this is good in itself, his life finally showing signs that he's lived.)

his cheeks warm at the compliment, keeping his gaze on the painting. ]

Thank you. [ a beat. ] I think Kurose-kun would look good in a kimono too since you're tall. Have you ever worn one?

[injurious]

You always say it's because I'm tall...

[shirotani had said that about wearing suits, too, hadn't he? kurose wonders briefly whether the man isn't nursing a secret fantasy about dressing his "counselor" up in various outfits, but now isn't really the time to be pondering such things, and in the end he shoves his thoughts to the side.]

...I don't think I've ever had a reason to wear one, though. For my coming-of-age ceremony, I wore a suit.

[sensorial]

Because you are! [ ... he stops, averting his gaze away from kurose and back to the artwork. ] I mean, compared to me who's supposed to be older ...

[ and that's the end of discussion about sizes, since shirotani has a sinking feeling the topic will swerve out of his control once more. considering kurose's incredible skill at finding ways to make him uncomfortable, he'd rather not give him an opening as much as possible. ]

Not even to a summer festival?

[injurious]

You worry too much about your age, Shirotani-san. [though, despite his deadpan teasing, kurose seems to be smiling faintly as he follows shirotani's gaze past the glass walls; they're walking past some more ukiyo-e displays now, but frankly, kurose is more invested in shirotani's expression.]

Well... I wore a yukata once or twice when I was a kid. It's different as an adult, though.

[sensorial]

Kurose-kun as a child, he must have been very cute.

[ shirotani laughs pleasantly as they move to the next display, still keeping his attention on the exhibits. he can sense kurose's gaze on him as usual, heavy and probing.

he doesn't even remember if he had worn one as a child. perhaps a long time in the past, when things hadn't devolved the way they are right now. he wonders how different it would be had things remained the way they were. ]

... Doesn't it trouble you that I'm older though, Kurose-kun?

[injurious]

Why would it? [ah, there goes that frank honesty again.] If anything, I find it charming.

[...but then it occurs to him that he doesn't actually know how old shirotani is, and for once, his expression is actually a little bemused as they walk through the calligraphy section of the exhibit.] You're not that much older anyway, are you? You don't seem to be more than twenty-eight or twenty-nine years old...

[sensorial]

[ ... is that how old he thinks he is?

shirotani blushes again as he turns away, fingers fumbling with the hem of his jacket. ]

I'm actually thirty-one ...

[injurious]

[kurose's approximate train of thought:

1. haha, what?
2. he's kidding, right
3. shit
4. he's serious
5. he's thirty-one????
6. how the fuck
7. he's thirty-one??????????]

[injurious]

[frankly, it's a stretch to even think of shirotani as being twenty-eight or twenty-nine to begin with, and the only reason kurose can manage it most days is because the mysophobe is always wearing the triple-layered suit of a businessman (which makes him seem significantly older than he would look if he simply donned jeans and a t-shirt).

...not that kurose is off-put by it or anything. it's shocking, sure, but there's something sort of delicious about the thought that he's been dominating a man five years older than him. he takes a moment to consider the numbers. when kurose was sixteen, shirotani would have been twenty-one; when kurose was eighteen, shirotani would have been twenty-three...

and so, end result:

8. that's kind of hot]

...That makes me like Shirotani-san even more, so please don't worry about it.

[sensorial]

[ something sort of delicious ...

it's a good thing that mysophobia doesn't come hand in hand with esp, otherwise he would've ran out of the museum like the devil's dogs were at his heels. but shirotani still isn't that complacent, not with the expression that suddenly crosses kurose's face, his smile a very, very familiar curve. ]

Hearing that from you is worrying me even more! [ because he, of all people know, how kurose's brain works. ] Most people would be surprised but you look pleased, for some reason.

[ probably for a reason that he shouldn't find out. ]

[injurious]

I was surprised. I'm just happy to have learned something new about you.

[for like. a second, maybe. and it sure as hell wasn't visible on his face. but it's a good thing that kurose's thoughts are never visible on his face — otherwise, his companion would be looking at a rather complex and drawn-out fantasy involving a school-aged kurose and an unrealistically willing shirotani...]

But... would your impression of me change if you found out I wasn't the age you thought I was?