036 » you break me down and build me up

[soulsteal]

[gay vampire adventures]

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[soulsteal]

[soma watches the dhampir lick his lips without quite making the mental leaps necessary to understand it. why bother thinking about it? just look at the way alucard's saliva makes his lips shine...]

Uh, I guess. The school nurse patched it up. I hate these huge bandages that feel like plastic, though. I'd rather just not wear anything.

[soma tosses the used bandage in the trash.]

Do we have any big ones at home? Or should I just use gauze or something?

[valmanway]

I —

[Alucard lingers just a little too long on that wound. He can so clearly hear Soma's voice in his head back in the castle, encouraging, telling him it'll just go to waste otherwise...

He turns to the medicine cabinet and pulls out some non-stick gauze and ace wrap.]

This should do. Let me see your arm.

[soulsteal]

[making matters worse, soma dutifully extends his arm, a bit higher than one would normally — practically lifting the wound to alucard's mouth.

flatly:]

Ta-da.

[valmanway]

[His mouth falls open, fangs far more prominent than usual. It would be so easy, Soma would let him do it, Soma would like it...

Which is exactly why he shouldn't. He has to be the one here to have some self-control while Soma re-acclimates himself to living as a human. With slightly trembling hands, he places the gauze over Soma's wound and starts to wrap his arm.]

[soulsteal]

[unfortunately for alucard, soma finally notices the trembling of his hands. with his uninjured arm, soma gently reaches out, cups one of alucard's shaking hands in his own. he looks at alucard curiously.]

Hey, is something up? What's wrong?

[valmanway]

Your blood is...

[Damn, he didn't mean to actually respond. Alucard falls silent and finishes wrapping up his arm quickly, taping the gauze into place. No compression is needed, so it won't be particularly tight, just enough to not slip.]

Never mind it. There's no need to concern yourself.

[soulsteal]

My blood...?

[does alucard get regular cravings, like they say vampires do? he eats regular food, so soma always assumed it wasn't a problem — that drinking blood was just something alucard did when he was weak, or maybe just for fun. but what if alucard's been hungry this whole time?]

...Alucard, you know you can just ask, right?

[valmanway]

Feeding is not a biological imperative for me. There's no need for me to gorge myself.

[He turns on his heel abruptly to leave the bathroom and get a drink of water. Anything to make his throat feel less parched.]

[soulsteal]

[soma is having none of this ridiculousness, and promptly stomps his way over to the kitchen, hot on alucard's heels.]

There's no need to hold yourself back, either. I'm not gonna die if you bite me a couple of times.

[valmanway]

...as I said, being "human" is a choice that must be made every day. Feeding on blood like a cursed monster when the situation is not dire goes against that.

[He promptly fills a glass and chugs the whole thing down, a small trickle of water making its way out of the corner of his mouth and sliding down his chin.]

[soulsteal]

[that stings somewhat, especially when soma has been considering giving up that very choice of being human, all for alucard's sake — but soma doesn't let any of his inner hurt show on his face.]

You're not a monster. You're just — you've got a, a condition, I don't know —

[soma falters. a flash of pain flickers in his eyes.]

...I just can't stand the thought of you suffering when you're around me, Alucard.

[valmanway]

[Calmly, Alucard wipes his chin. He regards Soma with the same placid air he might if they were just discussing what to have for dinner.

Which they are, in a way.]

I'm hardly suffering. I am not a child that can't bear being denied something I want.

[Or in this case, someone.]

[soulsteal]

[soma is gently insistent.]

You're shaking.

[he steps closer. and he's angry — this entire conversation makes him angry, so angry that he can hear his blood pulsing in his ears...]

I'm not saying you're a child or that you can't control yourself or anything else! But if this isn't going to hurt me, then why does it matter?!

[valmanway]

[Finally, finally he snaps, even if just a bit. His brows draw down, making a harsh crease on his otherwise flawless face. His voice even raises slightly.]

It will hurt me. Since feeding on you in the castle, ordinary food is nearly tasteless. If I catch your scent when I am not expecting it, I can feel my fangs pulsing with need. I want to hunt you, consume you. Do you truly think that is a desire that should be indulged?

[soulsteal]

[oh. uh. well. that's... uh, that's kind of hot? and really embarrassing, actually? not enough to stop soma from being mad, but, uh, wow. he... really didn't think he was so delicious that he could ruin all other foods. that's... impressive.]

W-Well, then — then maybe you just haven't had enough of it! Like — maybe my blood wouldn't seem so appealing if you just let yourself have more of it, like —

[this is the stupidest analogy. he is going to use it anyway. where is mina when you need her.]

I could have curry for a whole week and I'd love it, but a whole month and I'd want to eat everything else again...

...Kinda.

[he regrets saying this, too.]

[valmanway]

[Soma's fumbling does little to ease Alucard's ire. How can curry possibly be compared with the difference between ordinary food and sucking the vitality right out of someone? There is no comparison, and it irritates him that he's even trying to conflate the two.]

I could drain you dry and still want more. It is a never-ending thirst; the only way to quench it is to stop feeding for so long that my body forgets what it ever felt like.

[Alucard takes hold of Soma's chin for emphasis, leaning in until his face takes up most of the boy's field of vision.]

Leave it.

[soulsteal]

[this sucks. this sucks because this isn't how he wanted alucard to take him by the chin. this isn't what he ever wanted to do — he didn't want to ever be frustrated with alucard the way he was frustrated with arikado, but then they were the same person anyway, and what else did he expect, really?

soma wants to keep going. take alucard by the hand and guide him, show him that there isn't anything to worry about. but he's not in the right position to do it. his human body is still too fragile. if he was just stronger, if he could just let alucard feed on him without having to worry about dying, maybe then...

bitterness wins out. soma backs down; he pulls away. he walks to his room.]

Fine. Whatever. You're only torturing yourself in the end.

[he doesn't have the heart to slam his door shut, so he just pulls it gently closed.]

[valmanway]

[The anger fades the moment Soma is out of sight, leaving only the hollow satisfaction that he's done the right thing, even if that is a course of action that pains him. Though he's loath to leave Soma alone when it's possible he may get angry enough to attract monsters, he needs some fresh air. The roof — he'll just go to the roof, he'll be able to get back quickly if something happens.

Alucard heads out the front door, closing it and locking it behind him. The pillow case he left behind on Soma's bed is completely forgotten.]

[soulsteal]

[the minute soma falls into the comfort of his sheets, he realizes from the scent on the pillowcase that alucard's been sleeping in his bed when he's out — which is sort of sad, and sort of adorable, but given the argument they just had, it only makes soma feel... empty.

he lies in bed for a long while before he decides that this isn't cutting it.

perhaps alucard can hear soma from the roof, or else if he returns to the apartment later — soma, curled up in bed with his cat and the pillow that smells the way alucard's hair wears soma's shampoo. he strokes his alucat's golden fur, murmuring softly, having the conversation he wishes he'd had with alucard instead:

you had a good day today? yeah? me too... life sucks like that sometimes. hey, come here. c'mere. you're so sweet. i love you...]

[valmanway]

[The summoning gets his attention, but it's clearly not a threat, so Alucard remains up on the rooftop brooding. Sometimes he forgets how young Soma truly is, but in times like these, he can't forget even if he wants to. Only a child could possibly think it's a good idea to tempt a vampire (or a dhampir) like this. Is his head filled with silly romantic notions of being able to "save" him with sweet words and kisses? He was beginning to feel like Maria might be thinking that way too, which is absolutely ridiculous. Even if they could change him with the power of their feelings alone, once they were gone, he would...

No. Things are better this way.

Alucard doesn't return to the house until after when Soma usually goes to sleep. Whether the boy is up or not makes no difference — he'll proceed immediately to the couch to read one of his books, acting (as always) as if nothing happened at all.]

[soulsteal]

[in the time that it takes for alucard to come back, soma finishes his schoolwork, but doesn't go to bed. he's leisurely flipping through the summoning primer alucard put together for him, with alucat apparently asleep in his lap. soma doesn't look up, even when alucard takes his usual spot on the couch.

he's not entirely sure what, if anything, he should say.

fortunately, the cat is around to mend broken bridges. rising to its feet, alucat hops off soma's chest to the floor, and then jumps up to the couch, where alucard is sitting. it doesn't meow, or anything, but it stares expectantly, as if demanding attention from its dhampir counterpart.]

[valmanway]

[He knows that for the most part, the cat only acts when Soma wills it, consciously or unconsciously. Even so, he's a little charmed. Alucard exhales slowly, lowering his book to gently stroke the cat's silky fur. It even feels slightly like his fur... how shameless. His gaze flits over to Soma briefly, studying his expression.]

[soulsteal]

[soma is staring resolutely at his pamphlet, pretending not to notice. alucat, meanwhile, is much more enthralled by alucard's touch. its haughty expression doesn't change, of course, but its tail is raised and swaying gently, in a friendly way. since alucard isn't chasing it off, it crawls into his lap and settles there.

that's when soma looks up, and sees his cat in his roommate's lap, and the two are so alike that it's really kind of funny. he laughs softly, though it doesn't really show on his face.]

[valmanway]

[Familiar or not, the weight and warmth of the cat is soothing. Alucard won't try to chase it off, even if it might get fur on his dark clothes. He can hear Soma's little laugh clearly. Alucard sighs, resting a hand on the cat's head.]

I hope you do not intend to give him my name, at least.

[That would be going way too far.]

[soulsteal]

[soma shakes his head, though it's not really in response to anything about the cat's name (it's already named alucat, though; sorry, alucard).]

He looks like you.

[stating... the obvious...]