gurabad | 036 » you break me down and build me up

[yoko smiles like a cat cornering prey. "oh, you know," she says, mysteriously. "he's a growing boy, you're a handsome man... and we all know he's not as straight as he thinks he is. and you two live in such close quarters! has he tried to make a move?"

this is definitely not official church business.]

...that is entirely inappropriate.

[And he wouldn't dignify it with an answer if not for the fact that would just make Yoko pry more. Besides, perhaps she can help him keep Soma from making any more moves. She's a reasonable adult, surely.

He lets out a small sigh before continuing:]

I told him as much as well. He would do better with a human his own age, someone to grow old with.

[the young blonde is a reasonable adult — which is why her devilish smirk softens slightly, into a more sober smile. yoko tosses her hair over her shoulder so that she can think for a moment; she's getting the sense that alucard's starting to get a bit defensive, which calls for a gentler approach.

"well, it's none of my business what you do with him," she says, in a conclusive tone. her green eyes flick upward toward the dhampir's handsome face. "i only ask because i'm concerned. but, alucard... you don't really mean that, do you? you can't possibly think that he's just going to grow old and die..."]

Edited 2017-08-25 02:28 (UTC)

[Woe is Alucard, he doesn't have anything to fiddle with to distract him. He'll start brewing some tea for himself and Soma since neither one of them will be having beer with her.]

Ideally, yes. Immortality is not a blessing. Right now, he's human — so long as he doesn't delve too deeply into using his power, he should remain that way.

[Learning the theory won't harm him, though if his energy is changing enough for Yoko to notice, he may slow down on that front. Soma should be allowed to have a human life — to marry his childhood friend, have children with her, to age and to be laid to rest. That's the ideal.

It still stings to think of it.]

[something in yoko's demeanor shifts when she hears alucard's response. her perfectly red lips pout ever so slightly; her eyes narrow as she scrutinizes him with just a hint of frustration. "alucard —"

then she catches herself. her expression smooths over. "that's right," she says, softly, as though she's hurt by the realization. "that's right. you wouldn't know."

sighing, yoko crosses her arms beneath her breasts, and then sits down in a nearby chair. "i don't want to be the one to have to tell you this," she says, "but it's better coming from me than anyone else. you're right — immortality sucks. and in an ideal world, soma would just remain human forever. live an ordinary human life. like me and julius."

this is, apparently, a joke, since yoko and julius live lives that are far from normal, but all the same, she smiles wryly. "the thing is," yoko continues, "that's probably not going to happen. you wouldn't know because you haven't been to work. soma's a huge target, for all sorts of people. between the cults and the demon worshippers and the other dark lord candidates in the world... we probably prevent about three assassination attempts on people close to him every month."

she shakes her head. "honestly, it's a miracle we even kept him and his family safe for this long. we can't keep him happy and human forever, alucard. if he doesn't learn to maintain his powers and keep the people around him safe, something's going to give. mina's in danger just from being around him."

yoko looks down at her perfect heeled boots.

"what the church wants," she continues, "is for him to be like you."]

[The tea is abandoned, a pot of water heating up with nothing inside it. Alucard turns toward her, looking furious. His life isn't one anyone should have to live. He's not the type to actively sit around pitying himself or to hate his life, but he knows it's not a good one. Anyone worth sharing it with will only wither and die, after all. He enjoys the company of people, but he's always careful to keep that in mind, to not get too close. He only had to lose a close human friend once to know his heart wouldn't be able to bear it if he had to endure the experience repeatedly. To hear that Soma might have to live that way, that the church wants him to live that way, is maddening.

It's not Yoko's fault, though. If Soma really is a target (and he believes he is, that's why he stays close), then he can't live as a human forever. Alucard can protect him, of course, but he certainly wouldn't be able to have a normal life with Alucard always lurking nearby. He needs to be able to protect himself, and if he's capable of that much, then...

He won't be human anymore.

His features smooth out again, but the look in his eyes is troubled.]

What does he think of that?

[yoko's expression is surprised and perhaps a bit fearful when alucard whirls on her so angrily — but hers smooths over when his does, and she has enough strength of will to smile wryly at his question. "why don't you ask him?" she says, cryptically. "the answer might not be what you expect."

yoko sighs and crosses her legs, shifting her weight in the chair. "but, you know," she continues, "there's too many risks involved with letting soma live a normal life. i mean, let's say he marries mina, gets to 80 or 90, dies — then what? i mean, we lucked out enough already that soma's not a bad kid. i don't even know if we'll have a next generation of vampire hunters to defeat dracula if he comes back as someone that wants to be the dark lord. i can't keep a boyfriend with all the hours and the travel that i do. julius is in his 50s and still doesn't have any children — i've been meaning to talk to him about artificial insemination, but god, i'm a woman! i can't just talk to him about freezing his sperm! it has to come from another old guy like him —"

mercifully, that's when soma's keys jiggle in the lock, and the door opens.]

Uh... hey, I'm back. You didn't tell me what kind of beer to buy, so I just got the most expensive one. Is that okay?

[all talk of children, bloodlines, death, and sperm seem to disappear at once from yoko's mind. she gets up, smiling, and takes the beer from soma, bopping him lightly on the nose when he tries to give her the change. "of course it is, silly! now, why don't you drink some milk or something and you can have a little chat with your big sis..."]

[Obviously, then Alucard would try to just take that power for himself. He's family, it's his responsibility anyway, and at least he would be knowingly accepting it instead of having it thrust upon him like Soma did. He would say as much if Yoko didn't start going on about freezing Julius' sperm. That's still a little out there for him, and he's very grateful when Soma returns with the beer —

Ah yes, the tea. At least the water's hot. Alucard turns wordlessly and starts to brew it properly. Yes... he'll ask Soma what he thinks directly. He has little real choice in the matter, but if he wants to remain human with Alucard protecting him, Alucard will do it.]

[mercifully, yoko doesn't linger for too long. she stays for just the amount of time that it takes for her to finish her beer, laughing and giggling and goading soma into gossip — but at last she gets up eventually. "anyway, i've got to go," she says, straightening out her hair and her blouse. "you know where to find me if you need me, soma. and, alucard — same goes for you."

when at last she's gone, soma collapses on the couch, where his cat leaps up from the shadows, and begins ineffectually kneading his back with its paws. he groans and tilts his head enough so that he can breathe.]

She's a real piece of work, that Yoko...

[Alucard just lets Soma and Yoko do all the talking unless he's specifically asked a question. He has plenty to think about, anyway. At least he's polite enough to say goodbye when she goes.

He watches Soma flop on the couch, groaning like the dramatic teenager he is. Again he feels that twinge — Soma shouldn't have to deal with this, it's not right — but there's nothing he can do about it. Alucard approaches the couch, settling on the floor near Soma's head.]

...Soma.

[He doesn't even know how to begin to ask this.]

[if soma knew what was eating at alucard, he'd be a bit more serious. as it is, though, he's just gotten off a very silly conversation with yoko, and so he can't help but ooze happiness at alucard. soma blinks, then fixes the dhampir with a slightly lovesick smile.]

Yeah? What are you looking at me like that for?

Edited 2017-08-25 16:37 (UTC)

[Seeing his dopey little smile makes this hurt all the worse. Alucard doesn't make eye contact, steeling himself to just get it out there. He doesn't like to drag things out when he can help it.]

If you had the choice between living and dying as a human, but always relying on others to protect you, or living forever as a creature of darkness, able to fight on your own... what would you choose?

[soma's smile turns into a frown. the fluffy golden cat disappears from his back as he sits up, scratching somewhat frustratedly at his scalp.]

Did Yoko say anything weird while I was out?

[god, if she showed alucard the text about being lonely... but, no, she wouldn't do that. yoko's not that incapable of holding her tongue. actually, she's very good at holding her tongue, what with her job...]

...I'm... not the kind of person who can just sit around being protected.

She said that there are many people and creatures after you. I knew that it was likely demons would continue to pursue you, but I did not know humans were doing so as well.

[It's the humans that are the real trouble. Most demons work on their own without a unifying force, but the humans? The humans will be that force. He had hoped that ridiculous cults like that had fallen out of fashion, especially since they weren't mentioned in the history books he read, but he should have known better.]

I am capable of protecting you. You do not need to fight again if you would prefer not to, nor do you need to make a decision immediately. Take your time and think about it.

[still frustrated in ways he can't really pin down, soma rests his cheek in his hand and his elbow on his knee, regarding alucard with a flat, expressionless stare.]

...You're making this a lot simpler than it really is, you know. There's... there's a lot more to it than just...

[than just the question of being protected or being able to defend himself. it's more than that. it's the way he's not even really sure what kind of life he'll have after high school, what kind of life he'll have after university. he pulls good grades, he'll get into a decent college — but what happens then? what kind of life can he expect to have? what's he even going to major in? what would even be respectable? fine arts? architecture?

everyone thinks he'll marry mina, but that's not that simple, either. it's not that it wouldn't happen. she'd say yes, of course, if he asked, and he'd say yes too, if that was what she wanted. but what about after? what sort of life would they have together? suppose he got a job at some normal japanese company — long nights working overtime, not being able to see her, maybe they'd have a kid, maybe she'd have to raise it basically by herself. if they lived overseas, her family would flip. no, what mina's father wants is for her to marry someone who will take over the shrine. but that's not really the life soma wants, either — incense and prayer and emptying out the collection boxes...

fighting chaos, at least, is something that he knows he can understand.]

...It's a lot, alright? You don't have to worry that I haven't thought about it.

[Is there really that much more to it? In the end, it comes down to him choosing to be human or to be something else. If he chooses to be human, then Alucard will take care of the supernatural, leaving Soma with all the choices he would have faced as a human to begin with. He supposes he can appreciate the difficulties Soma must be having at his age in this society — people are spoiled for choice now, to the point that it can be paralyzing.

Well, here's yet another choice to add to the pile that kids Soma's age have to sort through. Alucard moves up to sit beside him, resting a hand on his head.]

Very well. I will support your decision, whatever it may be.

[well, that's a relief — he didn't really want to talk or think about his future anyway. soma closes his eyes at the contact, tilting his head in an effort to get more of alucard's palm against his head. it's strange. he was fine without this kind of contact before. now it's like he can't live without it.]

...You know I'd stay with you, right? If we were both...

[His initial instinct is to discourage him again, to push him toward Mina, but... what if he loses her? Yoko may not have intended it, but mentioning assassins being after the people in Soma's life has made Alucard see what a very real possibility Soma becoming like Dracula is. Alucard isn't self-sacrificing enough to acquiesce just for that, but since he wants it too, he's struggling for reasons to keep refusing him. He leans over slightly, resting his forehead on the crown of Soma's head.]

I know.

...Good.

[soma turns his head then, and he finds alucard's face close to his — so close, so impossibly beautiful, such long eyelashes, not a single hair out of place — and it occurs to soma that he could kiss alucard again. he could. there wouldn't be a reason for it. but he could.

but it might just scare the dhampir off again. and the last thing soma wants is to hurt him — or hurt anyone else he cares about. but he's so close, so close...

soma stays like that for a moment, lips slightly parted — fixated on alucard's beauty. even after all these months, he still hasn't really gotten used to it.]

[The memory of that brief kiss is vivid. Soft, sweet lips pressed to his own, tempting him. Alucard doesn't move either, holding his breath and strongly considering closing the gap between them...

But as he said before, Soma is most certainly infatuated. Doing something like that now might encourage him to make a decision he would regret. Alucard doesn't want to be the reason he chooses to embrace his power — it's something he has to decide based on how he wants to live, not on who he might end up in bed with. He strokes the boy's hair once and stands.]

[sigh.

figures.

at this point, though, soma gets it — he knows that alucard is afraid of swaying him, afraid of rushing him, afraid of condemning him to a fate he doesn't want — and really, soma isn't sure about it either.

(because: what about mina? and even though mina would understand, even though he could accept watching her age into a graceful grandmother and one day pass away, what about his parents? how would he explain to them that he's become an immortal being, for the sake of the world?)

but these are questions for another time, so soma sighs again and makes himself more comfortable on the couch, looking up at alucard.]

...What are you going to do now?

I thought I might go for a walk.

[Just to clear his head, and possibly to catch up with Yoko and ask for some information on the humans that might be a danger to Soma. He needs to know, otherwise, how is he to properly protect Soma until he's made his choice? She should be relatively easy to track down at this point. He could just call her, but it's much more effective to demand these things in person.]

[soma knows by now that alucard doesn't really just go for walks, especially not when he's home, but... he's not going to pry. if he has something to do that he can't tell soma about, he can go do it. the boy folds his legs on the couch, and then nods.]

...Alright. Be careful.

[yoko's not far from the apartment, as it turns out, and she's perfectly happy to furnish alucard with whatever information he requires — she gives him the few papers she has in her car about the demonic underworld's current leaders, and promises to send him any future information from the agency as well.

"don't go overboard trying to hunt them down or anything," she warns. "if there's a clear threat mobilizing, we'll know."

the unfortunate side effect of yoko's new information — as soma soon finds out — is that alucard gets really clingy after yoko's visit. he insists on following soma almost everywhere — sometimes even just to school! — and really, soma thinks the dhampir's going a bit overboard. it's not like the forces of darkness will kidnap him when he's just a couple of blocks from the school gates!

in this case, however, maybe it's warranted. soma's chore is totally insignificant — he needs to go pick up his preorder of a video game at an electronics store that's unfortunately across town — but since it's so far away, he has to take public transit. and, really... everyone could use a bodyguard while taking public transit.

as they're waiting at the station for the next train, soma sneaks a peek at alucard's human ears, looking somewhat obviously disappointed — he loves those cute little points, damn it, the same way he loves the little peek of alucard's fangs when he doesn't have them glamoured over — but he tries his best to hide his disappointment.

soma's not the only one staring. other people are sneaking glances at the tall, beautiful man at the end of the platform, too.]

...You sure it's alright for you to be out like this?

[alucard just attracts so much attention...! in reality, though, soma attracts the same kind of attention — people just generally don't approach him because of his permanent scowl.]

[While he heeds Yoko's advice to not go hunting anyone down, he can't help but worry anyway. Now he knows why his future self monitored Soma so often! Alucard, as Soma is quickly finding out, takes anything he considers to be his duty very, very seriously. Right now, his duty is ensuring that nothing interferes with Soma's life as a human... except himself. Having a beautiful bodyguard like Alucard is more than a little disruptive at times, and since Soma isn't a fan of Alucard keeping to the shadows (which he would be more than happy to do, really!), he's right out in the open by his side.

Like he is right now, standing out with his glittering blond hair and his alabaster skin and his perfectly crisp black suit.

Alucard lifts a brow slightly, looking down at Soma.]

Is there any reason I should not be out? I believe my appearance is acceptable.

[He looks human and he's dressing like a modern human, it's fine!]

No, well, it's just...

[you look stunning and i'm just going to the video game store is the honest answer, but soma doesn't know how he's supposed to explain to alucard that he's literally too attractive for where they're going to go without making it sound like he's just flirting...]

...I feel like someone's going to try and stop you for a photograph or something...

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