| [Sure, maybe Aether can't say he's only human, but he does have needs. He has human flaws. It's nothing that he can't put off, or which would ever take precedence over more important things, but his days aren't always packed with peril and danger. Paimon isn't always hovering over his shoulder. And... occasionally... it's fair to say that he isn't always an entirely selfless person.
He's not ashamed of the act itself, but sometimes he's ashamed of how he goes about it. Long ago, when it was just him and Lumine hurtling through the nebulous darkness of different worlds and times and spaces, and he could get a moment to himself, anyone would do — he would fumble his belt loose in the sparse minutes he had to bathe without her and jerk himself to vague and unspecific thoughts of someone's hand on his cock, someone's mouth teasing his thighs. Always men (which felt like some kind of error in his design) and mostly faceless. It didn't matter who it was. He just wanted the fantasy, and after that, he just wanted to come. Once he was done, he'd clean himself up, put himself away, zip up his pants again and get back to being who he was supposed to be.
Now, here, in Teyvat, anyone will do, but in an even uglier kind of way. Aether hates it about himself. The problem with growing closer to others is that it's made his needs more specific: generally speaking, he'll pick anyone, anyone he knows, furiously get off to the thought of them, and then have to act as if he's never done anything blameless the next time he sees them.
It started, he thinks, in Mondstadt; yes, surely it's all Kaeya's fault, the way that man carried on, touching and teasing and whispering in that breathy voice of his — but then later, after the Stormterror problem had been dealt with, the heat of Diluc's palms on his shoulders had lingered in ways Aether couldn't forget, and the first time he'd come to the thought of one of his companions it was to the fantasy of Diluc slamming him against one of the luxurious beds in the Dawn Winery and fucking him with that furious fervor that came over him while dispatching his enemies. Later on, in Liyue, Zhongli's deep voice sent tingles through him that he just couldn't stop thinking about as he fingered himself quietly in the wilds of Mt. Hulao; even Childe lit some sort of flame in his waking fantasies, the thought of him grasping Aether's waist with just one of those clawed Foul Legacy hands. On the Alcor, Kazuha had shared a drink with him beneath the stars and spoke of effortlessly lovely things, and though Aether had gone back to his cabin on the ship afterward, he'd jerked himself to the thought of what other pretty things Kazuha could do with his lips, and —
The guilt eats at him in waves.
Doesn't stop him from doing it, though.
Today, he's booked a room at the Wangshu Inn, and of course, normally he'd never be so careless. Normally, he'd remember the promise that Xiao made to him. But what emboldens him is the fact that Verr Goldet implies — with a touch of dismay — that Xiao won't be around. He doesn't quite catch the explanation; demon activity somewhere, perhaps, or some other adepti business? The inn is suspiciously devoid of customers for once, too: he and Paimon are to be given the luxury of separate rooms for the price of one, and that... that is what makes him a touch too bold.
He thinks of Xiao as he palms himself, because the air at the Wangshu Inn always makes him think of Xiao: crisp and tranquil, with just a hint of something acerbic in the whiplash whirling of the wind. He'll feel awful about it later, but the fantasy is this: maybe Xiao, with his inwardly servile nature, wouldn't refuse him anything. Maybe Xiao would submit. Oh, the way the adeptus would look between his legs with those catlike yellow eyes — maybe he'd tuck one of those long strands of hair behind his ear before lowering his mouth, and his shoulders would flex, all cordlike muscle underneath that tight white top —
Aether isn't terribly loud, all things considered. His voice is soft and fragile; his moans and gasps aren't loud enough to wake Paimon in the next room, deep sleeper that she is. But then, an adeptus only needs a whisper, a voice in the dark...]
Mmngh — ngh, yes, right — there — ah, Xiao — |
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}