018 » your weary widow marches on

[haillenarte]

[network] @joacin; text; day ??? [open]

[it's a text post. of course it is. francel doesn't like seeing video of himself, and despite the prevalence of linkshells in eorzea, he still finds listening to pure audio a poor means of communication. text is easy — text is simple, and rereadable, and easily edited. why can't everyone just communicate by text?]

Is anyone in possession of scented oil?

[then he realizes that might sound strange to most people, and has to backtrack.]

That is — perfumes, lotions, certain hand creams.
Pray do not misconstrue me; I do not ask out of mere foppishness.

All those who would pray to Halone must anoint their arms with fragrant oil to make themselves presentable before the Fury. This is, of course, not a necessity, and given the circumstances, I imagine She would grant pardon... but it has been a while since my last anointment, and I am beginning to feel some discomfort.

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

[failsaver]

idk if you can get steroids here actually. baby oil's your best bet. avoid nuts for a while too.

[haillenarte]

[unlike ket, apparently, francel can actually read, so the answer to the knee-jerk question "what is astricea?" is answered by the context clue "a type of rash." which is. not at all what francel's problem is, so of course he's just going to pinch the bridge of his nose and type out an exasperated reply.]

No, I do not have a rash.
Foppishness means. Vanity? Narcissism? Pretentiousness?
believe me, I do not turn to prayer to cure minor ills.

[and then, after a lengthy pause:]

...what is baby oil?
And why do I have to avoid nuts?

[failsaver]

[ Hey, Ket can read. He just tends to skim essays (i.e. anything that takes more than thirty words to get to the point).

He's on the verge of sending his reply – something along the lines of "why didn't you just say vanity? it's shorter and less silly sounding" – when Francel's belated questions arrive. Backspacing it is. ]

why didn't you just say vanity oil for babies. but not just babies! it keeps you soft and smooth whatever age you are. retains moisture.

[ He may have gotten bored of backspacing. ]

nuts make you flare up. something to do with overreactive antibodies. you know how you hit back when someone tackles you? it's like that, but instead of a tackle it's only someone handing you a drink. you hit back anyway, because

well

you're overreactive. like the antibody. and the other guy's the nut(s).

[ There's an equally lengthy pause on Ket's end as he rereads what he just sent. He's missing something. Something important. What could it— oh! ]

don't worry though! if you don't have astricea you can eat nuts.

[ A beat. ]

but don't eat baby oil. not even if your furious gods tell you to. (that's what gods do right? tell you to do crazy stuff?)

you'll get sick if you eat baby oil. like vomit tier sick. or you could suffocate or die or

idk just DON'T EAT BABY OIL

[haillenarte]

[it takes a long time for francel to reply, no doubt because he's been staring at his tablet, reading and rereading ket's messages in utter confusion.

finally, finally, he sends back a reply:]

I
I am glad I can still eat nuts.
I don't think I understood your explanation about overreactive antibodies... but I assure you that I will not hit you if you hand me a drink.
I don't need my skin to be soft and smooth, but the thought is appreciated.
I promise you that Halone does not ask her worshippers to consume baby oil.
I simply need scented oil for other reasons.

[do unbelievers really go around with these weird misconceptions??? ugh.]