No, I don't follow your blog. It's bad enough that I follow you on Twitter and have no idea what you're tweeting about half the time.
[oh no. oh no oh no oh no. there are only a few ways this can end and atsuro starts with the worst possible one.] Izumi, don't tell me you're into crossdressers or something...
No! Well, yes I mean some of my work has involved that but it's not a personal hobby— though I could probably pull it off well enough... I'm still a slender bishounen, after all.
[cue the pushing up of his glasses like all the glasses wearing characters in his animes do and the adjusting of his tie. shit's about to get real up in here atsuro, please hold on to your pantaloons. or run away.]
I am a fudanshi now, Atsuro. Chicks dig it, Comiket was good to me this year, I have no reason to be ashamed.
[an expression of what can only be described as 'abject horror' slowly comes over atsuro's face as he realizes the full extent of what this implies:
that women enjoy the fact that izumi, a man, produces homoerotic pornographic manga; that said women purchase said manga in large quantities; that izumi is very likely making more money than atsuro; that atsuro hadn't even noticed that izumi's recent manga posts hardly ever depicted women.
atsuro decides he very badly needs a drink.]
Um. Well. Ooookay. [and with that, he runs a hand through his short-cropped blond locks, turning to the nearest waiter in frustration.] Hey, uh, could you get me something to drink? Anything. Just. Alcoholic and sweet. Thanks.
[turning back to izumi, he sighs and does his best to not seem too judgmental.] Um. Well. First of all, please do not ever wear girls' clothing. Second of all, that glitter took two fucking weeks to wash out, you ass.
[he raises his hand to the waiter before he walks off]
Make that two please! Thank you!
[a big grin creeps across his face as he looks back to atsuro expectantly, twiddling his thumbs behind his back because ah yes, there's that same old atsuro he knows and loves, terrified stare and all.]
I told you I didn't do it! No dick touching has been done, expect to my own. By me, for me, and once by this one chi— oh! Atsuro! Now that I'm looking at you properly... you should really pose for me! I'll reward you handsomely! You're the perfect build for my new characters!
Did you not just imply that I am not a slender bishounen?! [snapped rather loudly — then atsuro remembers where he is, and scans the crowd rather nervously, but nope, his parents are still chatting up some politician, blissfully unaware of their son's battle with his perverted otaku buddy...]
Look, I don't need to know who's touched your dick — I just want to know who touched mine. And five years later, you're still the most likely suspect!
[and because it would not undermine their Deep Friendship if he did, atsuro goes on, in the same breath:] Also, I don't mind posing for you exactly, but I'd appreciate not having to do anything with another guy. And the character I'm posing for had better be cool.
[izumi rolls his eyes at atsuro's dramatic reaction and waves his hand around, slips in a quick jerk off gesture for good measure.]
Unless I forgot that I touched your dick with a handful of glitter, I am pretty sure I did not touch your dick with a handful of glitter. You sure you don't just shoot loads of sparkly goo? Like, no judgement here if you do but that definitely sounds like a medical condition and I'll get one of my parents to look at that for you if you'd like!
[he grins and pats atsuro's shoulder with a slight squeeze of his bicep and shrugs]
And look, see? You've got some definition here! Not a bad thing, but you definitely aren't the slender little buddy of mine you used to be! You're... tall now.
S-Stop that! Don't just wave your hand around like — c-cut that out! [with a sharp twist he pulls himself out of izumi's grip, neatly and harmlessly, like the way he throws his opponents in an aikido match.] I already know that, okay? If anything, I think I got too tall...
And while I appreciate the offer of a free evaluation by the esteemed Dr. Horiuchi, I'll pass. I'm not sure I want to know how weird your parents are.
[in no time at all he whips out his phone and is already pulling up his blog and scrolling through it as he begins to talk very excitedly]
You don't have to do anything with another guy if you don't want to but I won't lie, that'd make my life much easier! See, see? These are my characters! [izumi is holding up his phone to atsuro and pointing at the screen with sparkles in his eyes This is Francis! And this is Zeno— are you looking? Good! Okay so like so far I have about twenty eight published doujinshi for them which is more than what I had for Francis and Harun— Harun got boring so I got rid of him but people were so gaga for Francis I was like okay well I should give him someone else and then Zeno came into the picture and he's pretty great and see! He looks like you but longer hair and, well, you're a human but anyways—
[a text message tone makes him stop and he pulls his phone back to read it]
Ah, someone in my circle finished the tones for the next page... Hurray! Anyways, Atsuro... [he stashes his phone back in his pocket and takes atsuro's hand in both of his and looks at him pleadingly] Be my IRL Zeno.
[it's a mark of atsuro's status as the medical student of their group that he keeps up with izumi's rambling without even batting an eyelash; calmly, atsuro looks over the impossibly pretty anime elf boys on his bespectacled best friend's phone... and doesn't react visibly until the accursed utterance 'IRL' reaches his ears.]
Did you... really just say 'IRL' in real life? You — you just said 'IRL' in real life. I... I don't even... have words to describe...
[atsuro actually has to run his palm over his eyes as he closes them to bring his blood pressure down.] Okay. Okay. I won't throw you in front of everyone in this room. I'll relax. I can be calm about this.
This... this Zeno has a godawful name, but I guess I don't mind doing a couple of poses for him if you really need it. But I'll be wearing pants the whole time, and I'm not posing with another model, male or female or... or whatever the fuck you come up with.
Oh! You aren't? I'm touched! You really grew up and out, haven't you?
[he plays it off, but izumi is very grateful he isn't about to get flipped over. his spare glasses were left in the car and he doesn't want to wait ages for the valet to retrieve it. he might miss the countdown, or worse! atsuro will run away!]
Hey hey! It's fine- I understand completely! Actually... [again, in a flash his phone is out and the camera is on] Could you please look towards those fellas over there? This is a great angle!
A-Atsuro please be gentle with me! My wrist is worth so much! My talent! My talent, Atsuro, please understand! I'm sorry! I'll delete it! I'll delete it!
[coldly, atsuro simply pockets izumi's phone — he'll give it back later, he just doesn't want the camera flash going off any more than it needs to, not when a good deal of foreign dignitaries are looking at them at this point — and then eases the man's arm back to a normal position, reflexively rubbing the joint of his wrist with all the tenderness of a trained masseuse.]
I'll give that back later. Also, you should really be doing more wrist exercises to prevent carpal tunnel from all your drawing and typing — your muscles seem kind of tight...
[izumi squeaks as he's let out of the hold and hangs his head while atsuro... rubs his wrist. alright. this is fine. not weird at all.]
[at least this gives him an idea for a new oneshot.]
I... fine. But if I get a text message at least give it back it's important! I gotta be on top of things it's my responsibility to my f- oh wow that feels... really good... oh my god touch me more, Atsuro...
[he bites his lip and hums softly the more his wrist is rubbed because wow he really should be doing more wrist exercises if this feels that good.]
Wh — ew. No! [he drops izumi's hand like it's hot and practically swats it away as he might swat a fly, looking unabashedly disgusted.] I'm not going to keep doing that if you're gonna be gross about it!
...though, I won't lie, I took two massage therapy courses this semester, and this would not be the first time I've apparently given someone an orgasm from touching non-erogenous areas. Or, well — there was this flirty woman, and I think she was just kidding... or at least, I hope she was just kidding...
[he sucks up the bit of drool that began dribbling down his lip and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand]
N-No! I didn't mean it like that! Who's the real gross one thinking it was dirty? You!
[he pushes his glasses up and cradles his wrist against his chest with a frown] I wouldn't call it an orgasm, but it was close... Though... if you touched elsewhere...
...Glad I could help. [he says, with tired patience, as the waiter returns with their drinks; the man apologizes for the delay, but atsuro takes his without a single word.
when the waiter is gone, the yanagi heir's demeanor shifts, his attitude vaguely chipper, almost curious.]
...Hey, Izumi... you really write stories like that? Some guy gives another guy a massage, and then they just...?
[izumi has manners and properly thanks the waiter for the drink and quickly gets to drinking it]
Hm?
[he swishes around his drink as he listens to atsuro, humming loudly and tapping his heel against the floor as he dwells on his words for a moment trying to put this as delicately as possible.]
Uh, yeah? It's not like it's hard, really. It's probably weird how easily it comes to me now but it really isn't much different from the stuff I used to draw and write about. It's like... a guy and a girl, but the girl is a guy and they get all sensual and start taking clothes off.
No big deal, I gotta draw some more man junk than usual but it's easy now!
[he shrugs and is about to take another drink when he reaches out his glass and taps it against atsuro's with a grin] Again, if you followed my blog you'd know all about this!
[in a voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm:] Yeah. I will definitely waste an hour of my life checking out your blog.
So is one guy usually really girly, or like... I mean, is it mostly sex, or is there also, you know, romance and shit? Oh, but I guess if it's for girls, there's definitely romance and shit...
[a pause, as atsuro inwardly winces and tries to make himself sound less overly invested. he still hasn't touched the drink he ordered, though he is holding it in hand.] I just don't get how it works, I guess? Gay stuff and all that.
[the obvious sarcasm still hurts his sensitive young soul. so naturally in order to mask the pain he downs the rest of his drink in one go.]
Okay no like... like no, y'see... Lookie here Atsuro it's like... okay some people are into girly boys and that's fine some of it is fine, okay, I shall not kink shame. [the way he looks up and away from atsuro probably means he's telling this to himself more than he is atsuro.] But usually the girlier the boy in BL the trashier it is. But sometimes the sweeter the fluffy romance? I'm talking sweeter than honey dripping down Ranko-chan's body. And that's pretty damn sweet.
[okay focus focus stop thinking about bikini babes THIS IS SOME SERIOUS DISCUSSION RIGHT HERE] Like gay stuff is easy as long as you remember lube. Atsuro people don't use lube in their doujinshi and it's like what the hell? How do you not use lube? The anus isn't self lubricating you need lube! Otherwise it's like any other romance manga... with ero sometimes or not. Seriously! It's not weird stop making me feel weird and explain myself! It's just two dudes being dudes but in love or sometimes-not-in-love dudes! What's the big deal?!
...you know, I'm not sure if you just got drunk in three seconds, or if this is just you being completely sober.
[still, if izumi's drinking then he might as well drink too, so atsuro sips a little bit off the top of his glass and reminds himself never to talk to izumi at a party again.] All I got out of that was "remember to use lube," which — okay, I guess I will, thanks. That might be the only piece of useful advice you have ever given me in my entire life.
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Y-You don't follow my blog..?! You'd know all about this if you followed my blog!
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[oh no. oh no oh no oh no. there are only a few ways this can end and atsuro starts with the worst possible one.] Izumi, don't tell me you're into crossdressers or something...
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[cue the pushing up of his glasses like all the glasses wearing characters in his animes do and the adjusting of his tie. shit's about to get real up in here atsuro, please hold on to your pantaloons. or run away.]
I am a fudanshi now, Atsuro. Chicks dig it, Comiket was good to me this year, I have no reason to be ashamed.
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that women enjoy the fact that izumi, a man, produces homoerotic pornographic manga; that said women purchase said manga in large quantities; that izumi is very likely making more money than atsuro; that atsuro hadn't even noticed that izumi's recent manga posts hardly ever depicted women.
atsuro decides he very badly needs a drink.]
Um. Well. Ooookay. [and with that, he runs a hand through his short-cropped blond locks, turning to the nearest waiter in frustration.] Hey, uh, could you get me something to drink? Anything. Just. Alcoholic and sweet. Thanks.
[turning back to izumi, he sighs and does his best to not seem too judgmental.] Um. Well. First of all, please do not ever wear girls' clothing. Second of all, that glitter took two fucking weeks to wash out, you ass.
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Make that two please! Thank you!
[a big grin creeps across his face as he looks back to atsuro expectantly, twiddling his thumbs behind his back because ah yes, there's that same old atsuro he knows and loves, terrified stare and all.]
I told you I didn't do it! No dick touching has been done, expect to my own. By me, for me, and once by this one chi— oh! Atsuro! Now that I'm looking at you properly... you should really pose for me! I'll reward you handsomely! You're the perfect build for my new characters!
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Look, I don't need to know who's touched your dick — I just want to know who touched mine. And five years later, you're still the most likely suspect!
[and because it would not undermine their Deep Friendship if he did, atsuro goes on, in the same breath:] Also, I don't mind posing for you exactly, but I'd appreciate not having to do anything with another guy. And the character I'm posing for had better be cool.
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Unless I forgot that I touched your dick with a handful of glitter, I am pretty sure I did not touch your dick with a handful of glitter. You sure you don't just shoot loads of sparkly goo? Like, no judgement here if you do but that definitely sounds like a medical condition and I'll get one of my parents to look at that for you if you'd like!
[he grins and pats atsuro's shoulder with a slight squeeze of his bicep and shrugs]
And look, see? You've got some definition here! Not a bad thing, but you definitely aren't the slender little buddy of mine you used to be! You're... tall now.
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And while I appreciate the offer of a free evaluation by the esteemed Dr. Horiuchi, I'll pass. I'm not sure I want to know how weird your parents are.
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[in no time at all he whips out his phone and is already pulling up his blog and scrolling through it as he begins to talk very excitedly]
You don't have to do anything with another guy if you don't want to but I won't lie, that'd make my life much easier! See, see? These are my characters! [izumi is holding up his phone to atsuro and pointing at the screen with sparkles in his eyes This is Francis! And this is Zeno— are you looking? Good! Okay so like so far I have about twenty eight published doujinshi for them which is more than what I had for Francis and Harun— Harun got boring so I got rid of him but people were so gaga for Francis I was like okay well I should give him someone else and then Zeno came into the picture and he's pretty great and see! He looks like you but longer hair and, well, you're a human but anyways—
[a text message tone makes him stop and he pulls his phone back to read it]
Ah, someone in my circle finished the tones for the next page... Hurray! Anyways, Atsuro... [he stashes his phone back in his pocket and takes atsuro's hand in both of his and looks at him pleadingly] Be my IRL Zeno.
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Did you... really just say 'IRL' in real life? You — you just said 'IRL' in real life. I... I don't even... have words to describe...
[atsuro actually has to run his palm over his eyes as he closes them to bring his blood pressure down.] Okay. Okay. I won't throw you in front of everyone in this room. I'll relax. I can be calm about this.
This... this Zeno has a godawful name, but I guess I don't mind doing a couple of poses for him if you really need it. But I'll be wearing pants the whole time, and I'm not posing with another model, male or female or... or whatever the fuck you come up with.
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[he plays it off, but izumi is very grateful he isn't about to get flipped over. his spare glasses were left in the car and he doesn't want to wait ages for the valet to retrieve it. he might miss the countdown, or worse! atsuro will run away!]
Hey hey! It's fine- I understand completely! Actually... [again, in a flash his phone is out and the camera is on] Could you please look towards those fellas over there? This is a great angle!
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[...well. people are. totally looking their direction now.
might want to reconsider that wording, yanatsu.]
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[he forgot to disable the flash]
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grabs him by the wrist
twists him around
and grabs his phone. martial arts skills go.]
...I told you to stop.
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A-Atsuro please be gentle with me! My wrist is worth so much! My talent! My talent, Atsuro, please understand! I'm sorry! I'll delete it! I'll delete it!
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I'll give that back later. Also, you should really be doing more wrist exercises to prevent carpal tunnel from all your drawing and typing — your muscles seem kind of tight...
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[at least this gives him an idea for a new oneshot.]
I... fine. But if I get a text message at least give it back it's important! I gotta be on top of things it's my responsibility to my f- oh wow that feels... really good... oh my god touch me more, Atsuro...
[he bites his lip and hums softly the more his wrist is rubbed because wow he really should be doing more wrist exercises if this feels that good.]
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...though, I won't lie, I took two massage therapy courses this semester, and this would not be the first time I've apparently given someone an orgasm from touching non-erogenous areas. Or, well — there was this flirty woman, and I think she was just kidding... or at least, I hope she was just kidding...
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N-No! I didn't mean it like that! Who's the real gross one thinking it was dirty? You!
[he pushes his glasses up and cradles his wrist against his chest with a frown] I wouldn't call it an orgasm, but it was close... Though... if you touched elsewhere...
Ah, I'm stealing this idea. For sure.
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when the waiter is gone, the yanagi heir's demeanor shifts, his attitude vaguely chipper, almost curious.]
...Hey, Izumi... you really write stories like that? Some guy gives another guy a massage, and then they just...?
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Hm?
[he swishes around his drink as he listens to atsuro, humming loudly and tapping his heel against the floor as he dwells on his words for a moment trying to put this as delicately as possible.]
Uh, yeah? It's not like it's hard, really. It's probably weird how easily it comes to me now but it really isn't much different from the stuff I used to draw and write about. It's like... a guy and a girl, but the girl is a guy and they get all sensual and start taking clothes off.
No big deal, I gotta draw some more man junk than usual but it's easy now!
[he shrugs and is about to take another drink when he reaches out his glass and taps it against atsuro's with a grin] Again, if you followed my blog you'd know all about this!
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So is one guy usually really girly, or like... I mean, is it mostly sex, or is there also, you know, romance and shit? Oh, but I guess if it's for girls, there's definitely romance and shit...
[a pause, as atsuro inwardly winces and tries to make himself sound less overly invested. he still hasn't touched the drink he ordered, though he is holding it in hand.] I just don't get how it works, I guess? Gay stuff and all that.
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Okay no like... like no, y'see... Lookie here Atsuro it's like... okay some people are into girly boys and that's fine some of it is fine, okay, I shall not kink shame. [the way he looks up and away from atsuro probably means he's telling this to himself more than he is atsuro.] But usually the girlier the boy in BL the trashier it is. But sometimes the sweeter the fluffy romance? I'm talking sweeter than honey dripping down Ranko-chan's body. And that's pretty damn sweet.
[okay focus focus stop thinking about bikini babes THIS IS SOME SERIOUS DISCUSSION RIGHT HERE] Like gay stuff is easy as long as you remember lube. Atsuro people don't use lube in their doujinshi and it's like what the hell? How do you not use lube? The anus isn't self lubricating you need lube! Otherwise it's like any other romance manga... with ero sometimes or not. Seriously! It's not weird stop making me feel weird and explain myself! It's just two dudes being dudes but in love or sometimes-not-in-love dudes! What's the big deal?!
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[still, if izumi's drinking then he might as well drink too, so atsuro sips a little bit off the top of his glass and reminds himself never to talk to izumi at a party again.] All I got out of that was "remember to use lube," which — okay, I guess I will, thanks. That might be the only piece of useful advice you have ever given me in my entire life.
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