gurabad | 058 » nobody knows the way that i know her

[Throbbing. Everything is throbbing. Her head, her body, her heart, her thoughts. There's a haze dulling all of her senses but it's not so thick that she can't focus, first on the sound of approaching footsteps, then on the sight of the man standing beside her bed, and finally on what his presence confirms.

Schneizel doesn't want her dead; he hasn't written her off as he has so many other things since Lelouch ascended the throne. Otherwise, Kanon would be by his side instead of by hers. And despite everything that was done today -- by herself, by Schneizel, by Nunnally -- a part of her feels relieved by that.]

Kanon...?

[Her voice is strained and soft and small -- exhausted in every way -- yet nonetheless determined. Strong in spite of everything that might otherwise have drowned her spirit out. As bad of a state as she's in now, she refuses to give into weakness.

His question barely registers to her. How is she feeling? It doesn't matter. There's something more pressing on her mind.]

Where's Nunnally?

Empress Nunnally is fine. She is aboard the Damocles.

[sometimes — it amuses him every time — people ask kanon if he gets jealous of the affectionate way schneizel treats his siblings. britannia's second prince is always quick to flatter (some might even say flirt with) his sisters, excessively so. but kanon doesn't mind. cornelia's eyes are still sharp with determination, in spite of the drugs and the way her muscles must be refusing to heed her, and it's times like these that even he has to admit that he respects the many princesses of britannia.]

You needn't worry for her safety. Prince Schneizel will keep her close.

[at least until she stops being useful. but as long as her presence might rattle lelouch, she's useful enough.]

Edited 2019-02-24 17:47 (UTC)

Fine?

[She needn't worry?

Schneizel will keep her close? That's precisely why Cornelia's so damned concerned. As much as she loves her elder brother, she is fully aware -- at least now -- that Nunnally is a tool to him. A lure to wave in front of Lelouch, and a finger pressed in place of his own against FLEIJA's launch button. The thought of Nunnally's hands being further bloodied infuriates her, as does the potential for her to be used as a figurehead for the destruction that Damocles threatens to rain down on the entire world. She doesn't know her little sister very well anymore, but she sees far more of Euphy within her than anyone else, and she wants to protect that familiar spark of kindness before it ignites and burns everything to the ground.

The fight in her eyes intensifies and the burst of frustrated energy that accompanies it finds her trying to lift herself up. Of course she can't, though; it's not only her legs that are wounded. Both her arms were hit and they're both too weak to hold her weight. She holds back a frustrated grunt, instead saying:]

This is your idea of fine?

[She's not only referring to Nunnally. Pendragon, Damocles, FLEIJA, Schneizel's plan to rule over the world like some god doling out punishment to all who displease him. It's hard for her to think right now, though. Hard for her to find all the words that she wants to speak. So she leaves it at that.]

If you were to ask her that question, what do you think she would say?

[the girl can't be happy, of course, but she's certainly fine. as far as nunnally is concerned, she believes that she is making her decisions all of her own free will. and really, isn't that the most important thing in the end?

kanon doesn't move any closer. he is standing some four or five feet away from the edge of the bed, close enough, but well out of reach, in case cornelia musters the strength to defy her painkillers. kanon is battle-trained, to a certain degree, but hand-to-hand combat has never really been his forte; the sedation isn't really for cornelia's comfort so much as it is for kanon's safety.]

Admittedly, the current situation is not ideal — but nor are we in dire straits. His Highness has everything well under control, Princess. There's no need to try to get out of bed.

She had just learned the truth about Lelouch. [Pauses.] She was, and remains, in no state of mind to think her actions through. [Breathes. Glares. And raises a finger to indicate that she's simply collecting herself and isn't done speaking yet.] And even if she had been thinking clearly, you can't honestly believe that she would call any of this fine.

[Though aggressively angry, even if she was in peak condition, Cornelia wouldn't pose a threat to Kanon. Her attack on Schneizel wasn't an act of vengeance or righteousness, but rather a rash attempt to stop him from carrying out his plan. Harming Kanon would not accomplish that goal; besides which, she has no desire to see him dead.

Another pause, then:]

And I don't understand how you can, either.

[It's honestly a little hypocritical. She's wrought massive damage to the world herself. Yet she still cannot fathom how anyone can support Schneizel's Damocles initiative. Even Kanon, whose service to him is every bit as solid as Guilford's loyalty to her.]

[kanon looks mildly amused, calm, utterly unruffled — exactly like schneizel, in other words, up until cornelia finishes her train of thought and suddenly turns the tables towards him. he stiffens, sobers. his arms remain rigid at his side.

for a moment, he is silent, and the room is filled with nothing but the steady beeping of cornelia's vitals.]

...If I were to be honest, I would say that I agree with you.

[What an exhausting response. Cornelia understands very deeply the loyalty a royal feels towards their closest subordinates, but the reverse of that dynamic is something she can't fully comprehend. Her words bear none of her earlier anger, coming more deflated and quieter than before.]

Then why?

[Why stand with him? Why not stop him? Why let his madness advance this far? Why?]

[why indeed? it's difficult to articulate, especially to someone like cornelia, who probably has better things to do than listen to one man's views on philosophy, on life purpose. he wonders, vaguely, what she knows of him, besides that he is her brother's foremost aide.

has she ever read his biography, the one on file with the britannian monarchy? then again, would it even matter if she did? the perfunctory details of his alma mater and qualifications fail to explain his blind and unyielding loyalty to schneizel.]

...What I think or desire has never had the power to change the world.

[he shakes his head.]

My opinion is irrelevant. I have never been able to sway His Highness from a course of action that he himself has charted. All that he expects from me is that I do as he commands, and that I do it well.

[Cornelia doesn't like reading peoples' files unless it's absolutely necessary. She keeps her own catalogs of essential information on her soldiers -- medals and accolades, demerits and punishments, wars served, wounds received and treated, family connections, rank and status -- and is loathe to pry much further than that. She prefers to learn about people by interacting with them, and to not have those interactions coloured by one-sided retellings of their pasts.

As such, she has little context on Kanon outside of his service to her brother.]

So it no longer matters whether the world is changed for better or worse?

[Has it ever mattered? There are so many things that she's starting to question.]

Is that the difference between a knight and an aide, then? One fights to protect their liege... and the other fights to serve them with regard only for their will?

[There is an element of accusation at play here. Cornelia has always struggled to blame her siblings for their own actions; she has always tried to see them in the very best possible light. But she isn't only targeting Kanon. Much of what she's saying is being directed internally as well. How had she believed that Schneizel had no greater aspirations for Damocles and FLEIJA than to protect Britannia from its enemies? Why did she never question him? What was it about the dismissive ways through which he assuaged her concerns that made her content to accept every lie that he'd told her? She should have known better, but she believed too strongly in his suitability to rule. Et cetera.]

To His Highness, there is no difference between a knight and an aide. He simply favors those who are of use to him, and discards those who are not.

[again, kanon shakes his head. this, at least, seems to be something that he genuinely believes.]

Why do you think that the world will be changed for worse, Princess? His Highness wishes to unite the world in everlasting peace. But he would preserve the power of the Britannian throne — whereas no one can tell us what Lelouch will do if power passes into his hands.

Then you would sooner see billions slaughtered than risk being discarded?

[Cornelia doesn't know whether she believes that Schneizel truly would have gone so far as to eradicate such a large portion of the population, but he himself had used the word billion, so she wields it against Kanon as though it's a certainty and not a possibility.]

And you would stand before me knowing the scope of elder brother's plans and ask me that? You would talk about preserving the Britannian throne while the ashes of Pendragon still smoulder?

[Her expression has tightened into a pained grimace and her breathing quickens and grows more erratic. Though it's clear even to her that she's pushing herself entirely too hard, she's too proud and stubborn to give a damn. To stand down even for a moment would make her weak, and she can bear the thought of that far less easily than she can endure the strain of their conversation.]

[kanon is quiet for a moment, noting the signs of cornelia's tension, the fact that her heart rate has sped up just a tad. this isn't what he's here for, he reminds himself; he is here to put cornelia at ease, not to engage her in a debate about morality. again, he shakes his head.]

Fear is not what motivates me, Your Highness. All I mean to say is that I would not have bombed the capital, and I would not use Nunnally as a pawn — and I would not have hurt you, either. But on the matter of life, death, and the costs of peace... Schneizel and I agree.

[it is a matter, then, of the means versus the ends. if kanon, personally, would prefer to abide by more honorable means, it hardly makes a difference when — deep down, fundamentally — he and schneizel desire the same endgame.

more softly, more casually, like an old friend, he adds:]

He wants you to rest, Cornelia. An elder brother's affection. Can you not have faith that when all this is over, the world will be the same as it was when we were young?

[Cornelia is well-accustomed to being a flame amid calm breezes. Everyone who she's ever held close -- Darlton and Guilford, Euphy and Schneizel, Marianne, Nonette, Beatrice, even Clovis once -- carried themselves with an emotional steadiness that made them nearly unflappable. And she had always found comfort in knowing that no matter how irate she was, she was never far away from someone who could ease whatever tempestuous fire burned within her.

It's different, now, with Kanon. It unnerves her that she can't make sense of his calmness. The agitation in her voice continues to rise as she says:]

Then neither one of you understands the meaning of peace.

[Not that she knows it much better. FLEIJA is such an ugly, undignified weapon, however. Schneizel will never face down the barrel of a Knightmare's gun as he fires it, and while the entire world cowers beneath his threat of massacre, he will have no fear himself. He will not understand their sense of danger. All he'll know is the impregnable security of Damocles and that, despite how deeply Cornelia cares for him, disgusts her.

Before answering Kanon's question, she lets out a short, almost maddened laugh.]

And you're just as delusional as he is if you believe the world will ever be the same as it was when we were young.

Well, I don't expect the dead to rise...

[he checks the time, though of course he has plenty of it. they've only barely begun speaking. kanon isn't tired of standing — he spends whole days standing, most of the time — but there doesn't seem to be any reason to not take a seat. clearly, they are beyond issues of decorum.]

...There is something that I would ask you, given that you are his sister. Has it ever occurred to you that Schneizel has no heart?

[strangely, kanon has stopped speaking of his highness now.]

[Cornelia hadn't been thinking about the dead.

She hadn't really been thinking in specifics at all, but rather was focused on the more abstract understanding of just how much Damocles has changed them all and how severely it has altered Britannia's course. So for a moment, all she does is stare at Kanon in shocked silence. Then, in a burst of frustration over how deeply such a simple comment affected her, she thrashes around a bit in search of the button to lift her bed and, once successful, she allows herself to simply seethe until she finds a comfortable position. It's a small gesture of defiance against her circumstances, but enough of one that she is able to centre herself.

She chooses not to address Kanon's comment on the dead, however. There are some things she can only discuss in anger, and right now it isn't anger that she's feeling.

When she speaks, it's with dulled energy.]

He has a heart. What he lacks is desire.

Is that so? I see.

[flippant and irreverent, kanon folds his hands in his lap, prim and proper and — somehow — faintly judgmental. he knows this about schneizel, too, but it seems an interesting exercise to hear what cornelia thinks of the situation.]

It is true that he desires nothing for himself. And it is also true that he values others more so than himself. Indeed... this entire situation might have been avoided if only he cared less about others.

But why do you say he has a heart?

[His attitude doesn't go unnoticed. It feels like a taunt to her -- like he's trying to engage in a competition to determine who knows Schneizel best -- and that only drives her to buck against his question.

Instead of answering it, she challenges him.]

Tell me what your intentions are first. Do you seek to understand Schenizel or to educate me on him?

I'm not driving at any grand point, if that's what you mean. I only want to know what you think of him.

[his answer is plain, straightforward, honest. they clearly won't get anywhere debating the present situation, after all — why not just talk about something else?]

[She sighs and sinks back against the bed. Somehow, telling Kanon how she feels about Schneizel is far more difficult than debating on whether or not he has a heart, so she falls back on the latter.]

What do you know of the treatment that Lady Marianne and her children received at the hands of the other empresses?

I understand she was not especially well-liked.

[kanon answers with surprising ease, given that this seems to be a complete shift of topic. but then, perhaps it is cornelia driving at some grand point, this time.]

"A coarse and common soldier seduces the emperor and becomes his favorite" — and so on and so forth. I have also heard it said that her detractors were the ones who ultimately had her assassinated, though nothing could be found to support such a theory.

I had a doll made for Nunnally after she saw Euphy with a similar one and pleaded for one of her own. It was so difficult to get her to part with it that Lady Marianne gave up trying within a few days.

[Her tone is calm but edged with bitterness, and her eyes are thin with anger.]

Some of the empresses found her adoration of that doll distasteful and accosted her and Lelouch while they were alone. It didn't matter to them that Nunnally was just a little girl; they told her she wasn't worthy of the doll and attempted to take it from her. If it wasn't for Lady Marianne showing up in the Ganymede when she did, they may well have succeeded and gone on to gloat about their victory over a child.

Actions like those are what make me question whether some people have hearts. Schneizel... can be cruel but it brings him no delight.

I see. Yes, the only distasteful part of that incident would have been the behavior of the Emperor's wives.

[kanon eases in his seat, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees as he stares in thoughtful contemplation of the white tile beneath his feet. he wonders whether or not he should continue. he is interested in what cornelia thinks, yes, but his own views add nothing to the situation. that in itself isn't new.

still, perhaps it would help to at least add some context to his remarks.]

Admittedly, I've not been especially clear. I should apologize. When I say that I think he has "no heart," it isn't that I think he is heartless. Rather... it is exactly as you say. He lacks desire. He lacks a sense of self. His identity has always been prescribed to him by the expectations of the society around him, but he himself is hollow. If Emperor Charles's consorts were selfish, Schneizel is the exact opposite: a man who is dangerous precisely because he is too selfless.

No, Kanon, you don't see.

The empresses didn't act in isolation. They targeted the Emperor's own children knowing that they'd face no consequences for their actions, and I doubt you need me to explain why. After all, your upbringing wasn't much different than ours. Was it?

[She falls quite for a moment. Partly to catch her breath -- she is still quite weak has been talking far more than she should be -- but also to collect her thoughts. When it comes to Schneizel, Cornelia will always lack Kanon's objectivity. She needs him to have a heart, and therefore she envisions him with one.]

You say that Schneizel's selflessness indicates that he has no heart. I ask how a man who lacks a heart can grow up in an environment that encourages such behaviour without embracing it himself. Or, to put it another way, if his identity has been prescribed to him by societal expectations, then why does he regularly act in contradiction to the systems and beliefs upon which Britannian society was founded?

[again, as before, kanon seems strangely discomfited whenever cornelia asks him something that pertains to him. for a moment, something like unease flickers across his face.]

Well, there were things... but it hardly matters now...

[no, kanon tells himself, it doesn't matter. what matters, though, is that cornelia has put forth a different kind of theory on the sort of man that schneizel is, and that in itself pleases the earl-turned-aide. to him, schneizel is an endlessly fascinating work of art, and like the curator of its exhibit, kanon is always interested in hearing what other people think of him.]

Why do you think he is interested in becoming the Emperor, then?

[at last he looks up, staring at her with calm blue eyes.]

I'm not refuting your point — it's just a new question.

[This time, she picks up on his unease. Her brow quirks in response but she doesn't call him out on it yet, instead seeking a different sort of clarification.]

Things...?

[Even if he says it doesn't matter, she's still compelled to ask. If he ignores her then so be it; she won't press.

His next question leaves her shaking her head. Schneizel's easy acceptance of Suzaku's desire to see him on the throne had shocked her, and she was no less surprised when he stood before her on Damocles and coolly accepted her accusation that he was aspiring towards godhood. Yet between both events, he had raised Nunnally as the next Empress of Britannia. Cornelia would have a difficult time sifting through it all while clear-headed; in her current state, it's damned near impossible.]

I don't know. [A pause.] He kept me in the dark on all of his plans.

That's all right.

[kanon says this kindly, but it isn't the right sort of response to the situation — he sounds reasonably sympathetic, convincingly soothing, but there is something false about it, like an android that has just delivered the wrong scripted response to a question it has misunderstood. there is nothing all right about schneizel keeping his plans from cornelia, especially when kanon must know at least something of the man's enigmatic agenda.

predictably, the earl does not address what he meant by things. he rises to his feet. he bows deferentially.]

I'll not trouble you any further with these maddening questions, Your Highness. Thank you for humoring this humble aide.

Sit down, Kanon.

[Cornelia has never put much thought into Schneizel and Kanon's relationship. As with most things, she was content to view it from a very practical perspective. The Maldinis are a fine family, their children well-educated and loyal to the throne. Both men share a favourable dynamic that they'd developed before committing to each other's service, and Kanon has always seemed polite and reasonable enough whenever Cornelia's had the chance to speak with him directly. Even so, she's never been blind to the fact that they're connected by something deeper than service. Kanon has a spark that's sometimes strong enough to ignite even Schneizel, and there are side to her brother that she only ever sees when he's with his aide. They carry themselves with the same sort of calmness, though Schneizel's is more practiced, Kanon's more of an imitation.

As Damocles has coloured her understanding of Schneizel, so too has it made understanding Kanon more urgent. She is loathe to let him leave, and his apparent attempt to do just that makes her loathe stay quiet. Anger begins to smoke behind her eyes, and her entire expression darkens beneath it. She's weary of Kanon's evasions, of his condescension. His words and his deference both ring false. There's something enigmatic about him, but his mysteries are imperfectly formed. He's revealed just enough of himself for her to latch onto it like a hawk that's spotted an Arctic hare amid a blizzard.]

You've come to me under the guise of... what was it, an elder brother's affection? Yet you've done little besides question how well I know him while shying away from every challenge I've posed in return. I can only consider you a coward for it, but what is the cause of that cowardice, I wonder...? Do you require reassurance that you know Schneizel as well as you believe you do? Or is it that you've become so dedicated to cheering on elder brother's ambitions that you're not longer capable of using your voice unless it's to affirm him?

[on the one hand, kanon stays where he is. on the other, he does not sit down, which in itself would be a firable offense for any other member of the britannian military if not for the fact that his only commanding officer is schneizel el britannia.

the aide smiles, again enigmatically. cornelia's accusations of cowardice do not bother him. kanon has been called many things — loyal dog and trained bloodhound among the more flattering epithets, coward somewhere in the middle. he has been called still worse besides.]

It was never about reassurance, Your Highness, but I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I did not mean to imply that you do not know His Highness. I was just... curious to know what you think of him.

[this is the second time kanon has had to say something along these lines, however, which means cornelia must not have believed him the first time. maybe he needs to try a different approach.]

...Which part do you want me to explain? The reasoning behind my string of questions? Or why I refuse to defy the Prince?

[Of all the ways Kanon has conducted himself, his refusal to sit is the easiest for Cornelia to accept. They're only a few hours removed from her attempt to execute his liege; some degree of defiance is to be expected. It's his flippancy that she finds grating. His affected attitude. The words he refuses to speak even now that there's nothing left for any of them to lose.

She's becoming a force of pure adrenaline. All confusion and frustration and fight.]

What do I want you to explain? The truth. You've never needed my opinion on Schneizel before now. Nor have you thought to want it, I suspect. So I ask you this: are you truly just curious, or are you struggling to accept that your expectations were also betrayed today?

[kanon is quiet for a moment. then he sighs, the mask slipping, as his eyes narrow in something like frustration. he could avoid this, he reflects; he could put his mask back on, walk away, return to his prince as though this never happened. there is no reason that cornelia needs to hear the truth.

but why not? he thinks. it's not as though this matters, either.

when at last kanon speaks again, there's something harder to his voice, to his face. it's not that he usually has to put up an act — the kanon maldini that is gentle and soft-spoken is every bit as real as the one that is not — but it's as if the polite, prim exterior he maintains for schneizel's sake has fallen away, revealing something that isn't like the second prince of britannia at all.]

...I am surprised that he would go this far. But I'm not sure I'm surprised in the way that you think I am.

[he tips his head to one side.]

Do you know how Schneizel and I met?

[Even as his mask begins to slip, none of her tension fades. It's likely that she'll be on guard for a while still, but it's gradually becoming a more defensive, less aggressive guard that allows her to answer his question quickly and directly.]

It was at the academy, was it not?

[She doesn't honestly know. Schneizel had always preferred to talk about her and their siblings than about himself, and wanting to learn more about her brother in spite of that is how Cornelia developed the habit of reading other people. In hindsight, she should have worked harder to keep her biases out of the way, but it's far too late for her to dwell on that now. She shakes the thought from her mind and awaits Kanon's response.]

Yes. I was quite possibly the worst student in our year. I refused to attend classes... I got into fights... I hospitalized a lecturer.

[kanon rattles off his list of delinquent activities with no particular pride, but no real sense of shame, either — it's factual, a historical account, though it all seems like a preposterous lie, coming from a slender and effeminate man who looks ill-suited to anything but desk work.]

School officials could not expel me, but they made Schneizel the head prefect of our dormitory the following year. Which, of course, made me his problem. As a matter of optimal efficiency, he decided it would be best to make an example of me in front of all our peers. So he whipped me in the school courtyard.

[It does seem like a preposterous lie. Cornelia isn't any larger than Kanon so it doesn't come down to size or masculinity for her, but rather to the conflict between his retelling of events and Cornelia's experiences with both men. Schneizel barely raises his voice, nevermind weapons, and she has never been given cause to consider Kanon capable of delinquency. Yet, she reminds herself, Kanon has a spark and sometimes, that spark ignites Schneizel. An aggressive beginning would kindle that kind of dynamic, would it not?

Cautiously, she treats his story as the truth.]

That's... [Not something she can easily respond to. Christ.] Quite the first impression. [Briefly, she grasps for a question to ask him but frankly, she isn't sure where to begin so instead she just says:] Go on.

[indeed, schneizel had barely raised his voice, but the whipping itself had been merciless, and the lash cut angry red marks into kanon's face, his thighs, his shoulders. before then, within the academy, kanon had been widely reviled and feared. after that incident, he had been utterly humiliated. bitterly, he had sworn revenge.

it didn't quite work out that way.]

I bring this up because I see certain parallels in the current situation. When Schneizel knows that diplomacy will fall on deaf ears, he is partial to displays of strength. Of course, the world is not a schoolyard, and Lelouch is not a misbehaving student, but Schneizel knows this. And I do not approve of FLEIJA any more than I enjoyed being publicly humiliated — but I cannot deny that his capabilities far exceed my own, nor that I came to see the world from his perspective. For better or worse, his plans have always worked.

...If he is determined to become a god, then I am determined to see the world cradled in his palm.

[the world has nothing to do with it. if hard-pressed to choose between the world and schneizel, kanon will always choose schneizel. as polished and pristine as he may seem on the surface, deep down, he has always been a wild beast subjugated by a tamer's whip, and if schneizel is a monster, then kanon is a monster, too — one with more sympathy, and yet a different kind of savagery.]

Peace through force...

[Her voice is quiet and reflective and loud enough to reach Kanon, though she's talking to herself and not to him, retesting the battle cry she'd shouted at Schneizel now that her perspective has been widened. She finds that the words don't feel anymore right than they did before. They're still maddeningly incomplete.

Diplomacy had been failing for a great many years before the situation escalated to its current state. Cornelia and Schneizel grew up together in a climate of relentless conflict, first during the rebellion surrounding Charles' ascension to the throne and later through international warfare as they became more involved in its planning, in its execution. He had become her leader; she, his fighter. Now each sibling stands where the other had stood before. Cornelia's will to conquer died alongside Euphy; Schneizel's empathy and selflessness had warped into destructive intentions that outmatched the strength hers had reached during their peak. Something had broken inside of both siblings -- this much, she understands completely. Now, she needs to know when it happened for Schneizel.

These thoughts, she ponders only briefly before reasserting her focus on Kanon.]

I don't care about your loyalty, Kanon. [She doesn't agree with its nature, but she can understand the principles behind it well enough to stop debating him.] I want to know when elder brother's plans began to change. Surely you would have noticed the signs as they presented themselves...?

[Her tone is icy in a forced way. She's more tired than she's willing to let on; more uncertain and more pained, too.]

[that's not a wholly unexpected reaction, but it's mildly galling all the same, and for a moment kanon's face steels over in irritation as he wonders if he should remind cornelia that he isn't obligated to stay, that he could leave earlier than scheduled if he wants to. but then it's as if he disposes of his own feelings, his expression placid and blank again as he answers as flatly as he can manage.]

..."When" is a difficult question to answer. It isn't as though Kururugi's suggestion is the one trigger that led to all this. I think it solidified Schneizel's ambition, but we funded projects very similar to the Damocles and FLEIJA as far back as... oh, I can't recall. Several years ago.

[though in those days FLEIJA was not a bomb so much as a mere concept. the weapon would not have been so perfect without nina einstein — that brilliant and naive girl, so easy to motivate and manipulate, so full of hate yet eager to be loved. in a way, kanon had been fond of her, as fond as he could be of anyone that was not schneizel.]

That being said, it would have never come to this if not for Lelouch. If the situation were not so dire, I doubt that Schneizel would use the Damocles and FLEIJA in quite this way. But from my perspective, he has always known that this might be an inevitability.

You aren't answering my question.

[FLEIJA will never sit well with her, but she understands why it exists. Ever since she was a little girl she'd known that there was no easy end to war because no participants in the conflict were willing to make concessions for peace. The side with biggest and best weapons was always going to win, and Britannia was losing its advantage in both army size and Knightmare strength. She can't and won't argue that it wasn't inevitable -- that it wasn't, to an extent, necessary.

Kanon's placement of the blame on Lelouch's shoulders, however, is not something that she can accept. Lelouch rose to the call of battle, yes, but it was Schneizel who willfully triggered the war's final escalation indifferent to the devastation it would cause, and it was he who intentionally allowed Lelouch to accumulate enough power to justify using Damocles and FLEIJA. Lelouch wasn't the motivating factor, but rather another of Schneizel's unwitting tools.

More frustration rises from her like smoke. Her voice is damned near choking on it.]

A weapon like FLEIJA... it's one thing to use it in a direct attack on an enemy, and another thing entirely to wield it against civilians in a display of power. Elder brother's use of it on Tokyo -- on Pendragon -- cannot be justified using the existence of a single opponent. He sought to educate the entire world, Kanon. Britannia. The Black Knights. The Areas, the Chinese Federation, the EU. He'd grown disgusted with humanity as a whole, and you can't rightfully blame that disgust on Lelouch alone.

[Briefly, she wonders how Schneizel communicated his plans to Kanon. In the conversation she'd had with him, he was mostly reacting to her accusations and accepting them as they came rather than offering them of his own volition. Had Schneizel spoken to Kanon about educating the world? Or had he used the pure, detached logic with which he'd attempted to explain himself to Cornelia before she began bucking against his plans, against him?

There was a madness within Schneizel, then. A dark, deranged force that Cornelia had never expected to find within her brother, who had always seemed to understand the difference between necessary and gratuitous evil and often corrected her on her interpretation of the former, lecturing her on the necessity of resistance, on the way it brings vitality to civilization. And he always, always seemed to act in congruence with that belief.

She still craves to understand when that changed.]

Something happened to alter elder brother's course well before Kururugi sought to become the Knight of One. Surely you realise that? You can't honestly believe that even just two, three years ago he had planned to punish civilians for a war that he himself had encouraged?

058 » nobody knows the way that i know her

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject