gurabad | 039 » shouldn't be the reason why you're acting strange

Huh? Uh, yeah...

[mishima looks up, wide-eyed and visibly confused. he reacts as though he isn't quite used to being approached anywhere outside of his desk or in the streets of tokyo; it's as though he's forgotten about the ugly bruise covering his cheekbone. his left hand squeezes his right elbow.]

Something up?

Edited 2017-12-31 17:37 (UTC)

[it's an entirely spur of the moment idea, like when he spontaneously agrees to a 2am text from someone asking to hang out. mainly, it's concern that fuels him, rather than the impulsiveness that finds him naturally when he's half-asleep or exhausted.]

Are you busy? Want to get monjayaki with me? I know a place in Tsukishima. My treat.

[he cracks a small, reassuring smile. it helps that he's had a pretty lucrative run in mementos recently, and he'd pawned off a lot of miscellaneous knick-knacks made of valuable materials to iwai at the airsoft shop.]

I promise I won't bleed your wallet dry for steak for a while.

[it occurs to him they could get ramen at ogikubo, but akira's favored ramen joint there mainly seats customers at the bar, and no matter what ryuji thinks, discussing things there and expecting not to be overheard somehow is hoping for too much. if he wants to ask about that bruise, going to a more crowded restaurant with table seating seems more productive. the diner was an idea, but they've run into people they know there too many times.

ironically, he and ryuji have eavesdropped on people at tsukishima, but it should be fine as long as they converse at a normal volume and take up a spot in one of the secluded areas. nothing like the obnoxiously loud conversations some patrons have been known to have.]

Edited 2017-12-31 21:27 (UTC)

Really? Are you sure?

[one of mishima's better qualities is how childishly, innocently excited he gets over things — and the prospect of getting treated to monjayaki is definitely something that's going to get him excited. despite the obvious eagerness on his face, however, mishima manages to pull himself back. he squeezes his palms inside his pockets.]

Um... it's okay. I mean, I'm not busy! I can go with you! But you don't have to pay for me. I'd feel bad about it. And I have money right now, so... sure. We can go.

Nah, it's fine, I got you. [he gives mishima a lazy salute, then steps over close enough to murmur near his ear without being overheard:] Plus, you've been working hard lately, haven't you? Take a break, Mr. Admin.

[in another seamless move, he's already turning in the direction of the hall leading toward the main entrance.] C'mon, let's go before all the trains get crowded with commuters.

[ah, suffering. mishima shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't let himself feel this happy, but hope and acknowledgment blossom in his chest, making him feel wanted, needed, useful. and in the next moment, akira's already gone. mishima scrambles to catch up.]

O-Oh — yeah! Okay! Good point! I didn't think about that.

[off and away they go.]

[it looks like by the time they make it to the trains, there are quite a number of commuters already en route to places; they squish onto a train and, in the hubbub, akira winds up tucked against mishima's side. his bag is a little less bulky now because he'd discreetly let morgana out at the gate at morgana's insistence—akira suspects his fellow persona-user is off to find ann before she disappears off to the mall or something.

akira makes a bit of quiet small talk along the way, but they manage to get to tsukishima at a reasonable pace and get a table in one of the corners, next to a somewhat rambunctious party that is likely to ensure they aren't overheard by anyone else seated nearby.]

I hear the seafood one is good. [his gaze flicks to the indicated item on the menu.]

How have things been on your end? [he means it as a general question, testing the waters a bit before he asks anything more specific; it would be more than a little awkward if he raised a more sensitive question right when the server came by for their orders.]

...I'm good, I guess.

[what's this all about? kurusu's always been nicer to mishima than most people, sure, but taking him out for lunch and asking him how he is has never really been part of the menu. they usually talk about — well — work. the phantom thieves.

this is what mishima falls back on, as usual, lapsing into babble and bluster.]

There's been so much activity on the Phansite lately, it's almost been hard to keep up with. I mean, I thought it was crazy when we first started getting overseas hits, but now I'm getting traffic from all sorts of crazy IP addresses. Like, someone accessed from an American government computer... I wonder if I should back up our cybersecurity...

[ohhhh boi. cybersecurity stuff. totally not akira's forte. he knows enough about tech, but not That Level Of Enough, or even an infinitesimal fraction of futaba's expertise. even when they were in hawaii, there were americans talking about the phantom thieves, and akira still doesn't know how to feel about like that kind of global infamy.]

Someone I know keeps so many backups none of us know how to navigate their archives. [a small, secretive little smile.] It can't hurt to.

Imagine, the Phantoms going international. [total deadpan, because it's such a ludicrous idea when tokyo alone is large enough as is. maybe in another universe.]

[the server comes by right around then to take their orders. after that's all done, akira refocuses.]

Still, I was wondering about how you're doing. I guess I got a little worried, seeing as... [he makes a gesture, tapping his own cheek in the exact same spot where mishima's bruise would be.]

Has anyone been bothering you?

Edited 2017-12-31 23:26 (UTC)

What? Oh! This?

[wide-eyed, mishima points at his own bruise, and then touches it, pressing his palm against his cheek.]

...Oh, man. No, this, this is nothing. This is just because I fell down some stairs the other day. I haven't — you know. Nothing happened to me.

[he pauses, staring a bit glumly at the empty stretch of table in front of him, where his food would be if they'd ordered anything yet. it's not that he feels bad about himself — it's more that he feels bad that he made akira worry about him.]

Ah...

[akira blinks a bit in muted surprise, but it quickly gives way to some palpable relief. it's visible in the way some of the tension seeps out of him and his shoulders relax.]

I'm glad. I'd take a false positive over an actual incident any day.

[in the past, he might not have been so quick to take mishima at his word, especially when mishima tried his best to deflect every question when akira and ryuji had initially tried to corner him back when kamoshida was still terrorizing the volleyball team. but he's interacted with mishima enough now to distinguish some of mishima's tells when he's lying—at least, that's what akira would like to think.]

Even if nothing bad's happened recently, if you need to vent about things, I'll be around. [he studies some of the condiments on their table that are aligned against the wall, mouth pressed into a line, and his voice is soft when he speaks again, almost drowned out by the din of the table beside theirs.]

I know it's been a while, but in a way, it feels like all that's happened with Kamoshida has just been swept under the rug after it was "handled." The school has a guidance counselor, but with how so much of the staff turned a blind eye to what Kamoshida was doing, I doubt a lot of people have felt safe going to him. [he plucks at his napkin a bit, but his gaze his soft when he looks back at mishima.] We've done what we can with exposing the truth, but the follow-up doesn't seem great. The rehabilitation—[his mouth twists a little; he's had mixed feelings about that word for quite a while now]—of everyone who was affected, I mean. Life goes on, and for a lot of students, it was just all a series of fun scandals. They forget the implications.

You don't need to say anything you don't want to. Everyone copes in different ways. But having a support network can't hurt. [sometimes he thinks about ann and ryuji, and everything that happened to them. akira's been more active reaching out to them about these things. but he's been less thorough with mishima, and that's something he needs to really work on.]

Ah... hahah... yeah.

[mishima laughs, but the way his fingers are digging into his palm, the way his knuckles have turned white — that tells a different story. he tries to stare out the window, but the nearest window is so far away that he can't see a damn thing, and so he just bites his slightly chapped lips and swallows.]

...Yeah. That's definitely how it feels sometimes. Like for everyone else who wasn't involved, wasn't personally affected, it was all just a fun scandal. After all the drama was over, they didn't give a shit.

[it's not like mishima to be quite so crass, but his eyes flick to the surface of the table again.]

Sometimes I think about those people who were recording on their phones when Suzui... when Suzui jumped, and I just want to... I don't know... spread bad rumors about them on the Internet or something...

[he laughs.]

But that wouldn't be very just, huh?

Yeah... As long as nothing happened to them personally, they don't care. [the concept hurts more than it should; he should be more used to it, all things considered, but there's still that old, dull sting. the apathy that's commonly nursed by the general public has never sat well with akira.]

I feel you. I've wanted to do things to people that I might regret, too. [his gaze is pensive now. everything with the court case for his assault charge, the dubious paper trail, and his parents' reactions. all that initial anger had almost swelled into something grotesque, but he'd found other ways to cope with it. abruptly, he stops toying with his napkin. it occurs to him belatedly that it was the exact nervous habit ann had when they'd first discussed a difficult topic over coffee. what other habits has he picked up from his friends?]

A lot of people don't think what we do is just, either. [his lips quirk, but it isn't a particularly positive nor negative expression.]

Would spreading bad rumors give you satisfaction in the long term? [his tone doesn't betray much; he isn't prodding mishima in any particular direction. akira's content to posit questions that might help mishima work through his thoughts aloud.]

...No. It'd just be a short-term thing.

[mishima sighs. he's got an interesting habit of his own, when it comes to napkins — he keeps folding his in half, but he takes the time to measure each fold properly, so that they come out crisp and parallel. it's an odd quirk for an otherwise kind of slovenly guy like mishima. maybe he used to be really into doing origami.]

...To be honest, I really regret not talking to Suzui before she transferred. I mean, I get why she did it. And I'm not going to contact her because I don't want to reopen old wounds. But...

[he sets his folded paper square aside.]

...Well, it's like you said. It's hard to talk to the guidance counselor about it. Because he knew Kamoshida, yeah, but also... because he's a guy.

[akira's about to start from what mishima says about suzui, but it's that last sentence that gives him some pause. there's an odd sense of...he doesn't know what to call it, not really, but it feels like there's something he should be getting that he isn't.

he peers thoughtfully at his own napkin, then mishima's folded square, then meets mishima's eyes.]

"Because he's a guy"?

...Uh —

[there's something just as odd about the way that mishima's fingers suddenly twitch away from the table — the way a red flush suddenly rises to his cheeks and ears.]

Y-Yeah, because — you know, sometimes it's easier — to talk to a girl — about — stuff — hahahahahaha...

[literally no laugh could possibly be more forced.]

And the counselor's kind of creepy, you know? He's like — you know. It'd be easier to talk to him if he weren't so lumpy... looking.

[akira notes the mishima's forced laughter, how flushed he is, and how distinctly uncomfortable he seems—looks like this is delicate territory akira's treading right now. the reaction doesn't seem to make sense; he'd expected more of the justified indignance from earlier, as opposed to...this. it's exactly how mishima gets when he's trying to sidestep something, and maybe it's not akira's place to pry, but then again, the only reason he's gotten places with all of his friends is precisely because he did try to butt in where he wasn't supposed to.

it feels a little like déjà vu. there's some kind of connection here, but...]

I haven't spoken to him personally, but I'd heard some people gossiping about him, saying that some of his expressions are a little like Kamoshida's. Even though he's lumpy, and Kamoshida wasn't, I get the feeling they weren't too dissimilar. [probably that same sense of...sliminess, at least. it makes even more sense that people hurt by kamoshida would hate to deal with someone similar to their abuser.]

Haha... yeah, a little bit...

[mercifully, that is when the waitress at last intervenes with a set of menus, and mishima can distract himself by looking at the monjayaki selection.]

...Kamoshida was pretty lumpy though. Like... his nose.

[that makes mishima feel a little better, at least. it's not the act of talking shit about kamoshida — it's that he can actually say something about him and not have to feel gross afterward.]

...Yeah. Definitely his nose. [then, in deadpan:] Bet the principal's jealous.

[akira's been here enough times that he has an idea already of what he wants to order. there was one time he'd tried the spicy curry monjayaki, but he'd come to favor sojiro's curry so much that tasting other types of curry just wasn't as good. maybe the one with spicy cod roe, mochi, and cheese...]

You mentioned sometimes it's easier to talk to a girl about stuff... Do you think talking with Kawakami-sensei about things would help? She's been trying a lot harder with her students recently, so if you're comfortable enough, maybe she's another option. [they'd beaten up the shadows of her so-called "debt collectors" a while back anyway; with everything that's happened, kawakami is far from apathetic nowadays.]

[sure, kawakami-sensei's been a lot more energetic recently, but mishima can't shake the idea that if he went to her for help, she'd just pull that long, disappointed face on him and tell him that she can't give him any help for the kind of issues he's having...]

...I've never been very close with her, so I don't think that'd work.

[mentally, mishima's already trying to close himself off. he goes through the list of options. something plain would be nice...]

...Thanks for asking, though. It's okay. You don't have to worry about it. I'm just glad... you remembered. That I've been through all this stuff, I mean.

[ah. there goes his opening. akira knows the point when digging anymore will be a useless endeavor—everyone has a point where they stop being receptive to the prying, and trying to dig anymore will only create a mess. he'll let it go for now; maybe one day mishima will be more comfortable discussing the subject.

in the meantime, akira offers a small, close-mouthed smile.]

Sometimes you can't help but worry about your friends.

[he drums his fingers on the plastic of the menu for a bit.]

I figure...if so many people are determined to forget, I have a duty to remember. They always tell us to forgive and forget, but we don't have to forget. We don't have to forgive, either. Sometimes, that anger makes us stronger. Makes us want to change things.

[the waitress re-emerges right around then, oblivious to the atmosphere of their table. "ready to order?" she chirps.]

[there's an awestruck look in mishima's eyes as akira speaks, one that practically screams omg akira you're so cool you're such a hero, but it's cut off by the untimely elbow of the waitress. the smaller boy jumps back to figure out his order.]

U-Uh, I was, I wanted a strawberry and cream monja...!

[dessert for lunch, apparently...]

[akira only binks a bit at the intrusion, completely unruffled. inwardly though, he's trying not to snicker a little at mishima's jumpiness. the starry-eyed look wasn't lost on him either; even though it gets to be too much sometimes, since the phantoms are only human too, it'd be a lie to say akira doesn't at least enjoy mishima's fanboying a liiiiittle bit.]

The spicy cod roe monja for me, please. Thank you.

[when the waitress has headed off, akira raises a brow at mishima.] So. Dessert, huh?

[mishima seems simultaneously embarrassed and defensive. wh-what? what's wrong with strawberries and cream?! and crepes? and cakes? and parfaits?]

C-Can't a guy have a dessert craving? Well, I like beef too, of course...

Edited 2018-01-01 05:14 (UTC)

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