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078 » before time takes each year
[ Some things never change.
And that's a good thing, Vane thinks to himself as today's training wraps up. The Order's fledgling knights have come a long way since they first put on their uniforms, ready to spread their wings and soar higher — and they're about to do just that, as soon as their missions are finalized — but he's sure that his chickadees won't scatter to the four winds at heart, no matter what. Arthur and Mordred are inseparable, the same as ever. Cruz always knows how to step in whenever Tornelio still needs a little boost. As a team, they've definitely forged lasting bonds, and strengthened what was already there, just like he and Lancelot did.
All of it is enough to bring a smile to a guy's face, a tear to his eye (a few of those, actually). Vane waves off the boys' ensuing questions, beaming brighter. "Great job again, sorry it was just me today! You've all really worked up a sweat anyway and earned a breather for sure!"
Henry, wrinkling his nose at Arthur, who has flung out his arms in a stretch, pipes up with a pointed remark: "And a bath..." Laughter follows his completely accurate observation, fading from the training grounds then, alongside the young knights' footsteps.
Vane watches their retreating backs until they disappear from view. They'll manage just fine from here on out, together and apart — and these upcoming missions are going to split them up for a while.
Not that it hurts to check up on them beforehand. ]
And that's a good thing, Vane thinks to himself as today's training wraps up. The Order's fledgling knights have come a long way since they first put on their uniforms, ready to spread their wings and soar higher — and they're about to do just that, as soon as their missions are finalized — but he's sure that his chickadees won't scatter to the four winds at heart, no matter what. Arthur and Mordred are inseparable, the same as ever. Cruz always knows how to step in whenever Tornelio still needs a little boost. As a team, they've definitely forged lasting bonds, and strengthened what was already there, just like he and Lancelot did.
All of it is enough to bring a smile to a guy's face, a tear to his eye (a few of those, actually). Vane waves off the boys' ensuing questions, beaming brighter. "Great job again, sorry it was just me today! You've all really worked up a sweat anyway and earned a breather for sure!"
Henry, wrinkling his nose at Arthur, who has flung out his arms in a stretch, pipes up with a pointed remark: "And a bath..." Laughter follows his completely accurate observation, fading from the training grounds then, alongside the young knights' footsteps.
Vane watches their retreating backs until they disappear from view. They'll manage just fine from here on out, together and apart — and these upcoming missions are going to split them up for a while.
Not that it hurts to check up on them beforehand. ]
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The more he thinks about it, the more it bothers him, especially knowing that Cruz didn't seem all that enthusiastic to be here at first, for a pretty tightly closed book of a kid.
Over the next couple of days before the final briefing, Vane throws himself into his personal mission. He can't single out each of his charges, one after the other, of course, not by taking them aside or telling them to report to his office as if they've done something wrong, so he waits for the best, most natural opening.
Since Cruz is up first, it does manifest as paying him closer attention, visibly and too often, despite Vane's efforts to be discreet. ]
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no more, and no less.
he does not seem to react, either, to the staring. the gawking. the anxious peeking, the worrywart fussing, the mother-hen fretting of vice-captain vane from afar — though of course he's noticed. at first, cruz suspected that vane had taken a sudden interest in poor, sweet, ever-beleaguered tornelio, but the more he left the situation well enough alone, the more it became apparent that their vice-captain was in fact looking for some opportunity to speak to him instead. looking — and apparently not finding one, owing to the way cruz likes to keep himself busy, and never leaves much opportunity for anyone to speak to him.
hm.
well.
whatever, cruz figures. if it's anything important, it'll come up, and if it isn't important, the matter will resolve itself in time. but then, the day before he's supposed to saddle up for that little village he's being shipped out to, cruz is surprised to find vane standing near the entrance to the stables. evidently, his commanding officer has been waiting for him.
the boy blinks. there is recognition in those empty blue eyes, to be sure, but it dissipates like breath on the wind as he lowers his gaze.]
...Sir Vane.
[his voice is toneless.]
What do you want?
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[ Finally, finally they have a moment to talk without anyone getting the impression that Cruz, of all people, has landed himself in hot water. By now, after days of no luck, it's cutting it close — not to mention that Vane feels decidedly like a stalker skulking around, and it doesn't help matters to notice how put out Cruz looks to see him. The boy isn't frowning or pouting or anything like that, his usual quiet and calm self, but looking away the instant he catches sight of Vane isn't exactly encouraging.
Vane's smile falters. Heart sinking like a stone tossed into a lake, he rummages through everything he knows of Cruz so far. That brings him back to the very problem that he should have done something about sooner: he doesn't know enough at all. He knows that Cruz follows instructions, never complaining. He knows Cruz gets along with his friends.
He's confident that Cruz likes his cooking, less confident that Cruz likes him much.
All in all, what he knows doesn't tell him how to read Cruz himself, the thoughts and feelings behind the kid's serious face. Sure, Cruz is smart and diligent and capable, and he has chivalry down, taking Tornelio under his wing, but that doesn't mean that he can't get upset. Maybe he misses his home, or he felt overlooked the whole time that his team leader's concentration was mostly focused on Arthur and Mordred. Compared to that, he and Tornelio were practically left to their own devices — it's even thanks to Tornelio that Vane had the chance to adjust his timing and catch Cruz out here now.
(And doesn't that say it all?)
Staring at the top of Cruz's head tells Vane nothing, either, and so he quickly cuts to the chase: ]
Everything okay? You know you can talk to me anytime, about anything on your mind, right? That's what I'm here for! Training's important, but so is taking the time for a good old heart-to-heart!
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cruz knows, however, that he'll never be like vane. however admirable, vane's brand of kindness is not the sort that he can imitate. they are fundamentally too dissimilar — for cruz to be more like vane, he would have to become an entirely different person. the sort who smiles and laughs too easily, who feels before he thinks. arthur is more like vane than cruz will ever be, and he feels no particular way about that. he feels no animosity, no jealousy, no hurt. he feels —
he doesn't know what he feels.
anyway, it's always difficult to look at vane, and all the more so when his attention is directed at cruz himself. too much like the sun, the boy thinks, abstractly. too brilliant, too searing. the sun makes most people feel warm, sleepy. it gives cruz headaches.]
I'm fine. Nothing to report.
[cruz moves as he always does: as little as possible, like a golem crafted for maximum efficiency in all things. he is not unmoving, however, nor is he unfeeling — he reaches up, touches the back of his neck as he closes his eyes. the gesture seems as reserved as it may be irritated. perhaps there is a touch of awkwardness to it. perhaps not.]
...Were you concerned?
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Vane's right hand mirrors the gesture, lifting to rub at the back of his neck. Without a second's hesitation, he nods, his own movements hard to miss. ]
Well, yeah... Yeah, I was.
[ In fact, he's still concerned, doubting that I'm fine is the whole truth, and he can't pinpoint what it is without Cruz's cooperation. It's not that he thinks of Cruz as a liar, or the type to act tough — rather, he can't help but worry that Cruz won't admit to anything that doesn't affect other people because he's such a good kid, always on his best behavior. No wonder his reply even sounds like he's reporting to his superior after he was out on patrol.
First things first— ]
Say, Cruz, did you get hurt? [ Bending his knees a little so as not to loom over Cruz, Vane peers at the boy as he asks his question, taking care not to lean too close, not so far into Cruz's personal space that it should corner him. ] You're working pretty hard all the time, huh? It's like you're already planning to follow in Lancey's footsteps!
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[cruz's response is blunt and unhesitating, but it does allow him to open his eyes and stare dead into vane's more earnest blue gaze. the boy doesn't flinch, even with vane crouched over like a kindly older brother making ready to give him some candy. there's a cold and calculated — interest? curiosity? something in the flecks of his irises. cruz tips his head to one side — very, very slightly, so subtly that the motion could easily be missed.
vane, he thinks, is too preoccupied with lancelot. always comparing himself, always doubting. never good enough.
it's bad for him, but it's not the kind of problem that can be fixed by saying so.
cruz lets his hand drop from his neck, rolling it a little. did you get hurt? is a strange question to ask when there's nothing in his demeanor that should have tipped vane off. is he hurt? he's a little bruised here and there from the day's training and sparring, but it's nothing that actively bothers him. he doesn't have any scrapes, any open wounds.
the dull ache in his bones isn't something that he lingers on.]
...Growing pains. [he says by way of explanation.] They'll go away.
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[ Caught off-guard by Cruz's answer, it's Vane's turn to blink, and cock his head, reminiscent of a large dog abruptly losing a scent trail. Mentioning Lancelot was supposed to double as praise — everyone knows how hard their captain works, after all! — but Cruz doesn't crack the slightest smile. He sounds nothing but serious about his growing pains, too.
Maybe he can tell those apart from regular sore muscles and any other aches, unlike Vane, who remembers plenty of pain in a blur of pushing himself to reach for the stars high above him, but not much about getting taller and broader besides outgrowing his clothes. Again, he glances Cruz over.
After a moment of that, satisfied that the boy isn't just reluctant to confide in him, he straightens up with a chuckle, letting his hands swing back into place at his sides. ]
Right, right, you're about that age. That's a relief!
[ His gaze leaves Cruz to wander toward the stables. ]
In that case, I guess you're here to get a head start for tomorrow?
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...The riding-master didn't allow us much time with the horses. I figured I should become more accustomed to my mount before the ride out to Kleedorf.
[a slightly longer statement than usual, coming from cruz. his observations, on the other hand, are keen as always: the little hamlet of kleedorf is far from the capital, not too far for one day's ride, but certainly no ride to make on a skittish horse.
the mount that cruz has been assigned is a young, well-built gelding, one perfectly capable of carrying a boy of cruz's size; its nostrils flare as he approaches, though it seems about as calm as he is, and it does not stamp its feet or toss its mane.
it stares curiously at cruz. cruz stares blankly at it.
he... doesn't make to touch the animal.]
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[ Vane isn't far behind, coming to a stop beside Cruz, facing the horse. The silent staring contest between mount and rider-to-be goes without comment, but Vane's own expression turns curious, unmistakably puzzled. He waits another moment longer, expectantly, before he takes it upon himself to encourage Cruz to be a little less reserved about getting to know his horse.
Even someone so stoic might feel nervous in an unfamiliar situation, whether or not he opens up to say so. ]
Looks like you're sure to be a great match! Cool as a pair of cucumbers...
[ As if to prove it, Cruz's well-behaved horse only lowers its head slightly, seemingly in greeting. It doesn't make a sound, quiet and still as Vane reaches out to give the side of its neck a pat. ]
And he remembers you!
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[hesitantly — perhaps even a little... shyly? — cruz eventually reaches out to give the horse's nose a little pat. he has a well-developed hand for his age, with long fingers and elegant knuckles and a slender wristbone, but all the same, his hand looks outrageously small against his horse's flaring nostrils.]
...I haven't had a lot of experience with animals. My parents didn't keep any.
[he drops his hand to his side.]
You could say I'm bad with them.
[it sounds like the sort of statement that should be sheepish — i guess i'm sort of bad with animals, haha — but in cruz's mouth, it's turned cold and factual. adamantine, like the rest of him.]
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Given the horse's reactions so far, Cruz's remark could have been exaggerated modesty, from someone else. ]
Really? Well, you're doing fine anyway, as far as I can tell. [ Vane indicates Cruz's mount with a nod. ] Besides, you're about to get to know each other better, so give it some time, and you'll probably come back inseparable!
[ Lowering his own hand, Vane regards Cruz himself again now, contemplative. The kid sure is doing his best, as always, even just to make up for his inexperience handling animals... ]
What did you have in mind, for now? A quick outing together?
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[The horse seems tame so far — unlikely to react to any perceived abnormalities in Cruz's body and movements. Good. He watches its tail swish for a moment, and then rests his hand atop his hip, between his crossed belts.]
...People are easy to read. Animals... somewhat less so. What we might perceive as excitement on a dog could just be stress, or heat exhaustion.
[Not that Cruz is an expert on animal body language, himself. All the same, since the horse's head is already lowered expectantly, Cruz crosses over to its side and steps neatly into the saddle, swinging one long leg up and over until he's riding calmly atop the horse, reins in hand. Arthur and Mordred may be better with the sword, but it's difficult to imagine them jumping atop a horse quite so smoothly.
Preternaturally calm, Cruz looks at Vane with his empty blue eyes and says, quite bluntly:]
You're like a dog too, Vice-Captain.
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That could be why the riding-master decided that everything was going great as it is.
And Vane would praise Cruz for his skill, if not for the observations out of the kid's mouth. That wipes the grin from Vane's lips — instead, he stares, taken aback. ]
Huh? You too? Have you been talking to Percy, Cruz?
[ But nothing in Vane's tone or his expression is affronted, and he laughs before long, not about to rebuke Cruz for the comparison. ]
So I'm hard to read? That's a first! Just me?
[ If anything, isn't it Cruz who isn't the easiest to read around here, still? Which makes it all the more important to understand his thinking! ]
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[Cruz's eyes flick away for a moment, strangely contemplative, and if Vane had any suspicions about it, he might stop to consider that most boys Cruz's age, even those with an interest in knighthood, wouldn't just know the name of Wales's wandering thirdborn son and Feendrache's former co-commander off the tops of their heads. He says it with recognition, too; he says it as if he knows Percival somehow. But of course he can't, if he doesn't know about the man's habit of referring to Vane as a mongrel, and anyway, Cruz likes to read. Maybe he just saw Percival's name in a report somewhere; gods know there are enough of those just lying around.
Still, somewhat strangely, Cruz wrinkles his brow in a way that suggests faint distaste as he leads his horse down the path outside the stables at a leisurely pace that Vane will find more than easy to keep up with on foot. After a pause, and as if he's thinking of someone else more so than the man in front of him, the boy finally says:]
I don't know what to make of people who are always smiling.
[And isn't that a little melancholy? Isn't that a little ominous? But then Cruz only yawns, the motion small though he politely covers his mouth with one hand, and shakes his head as if to dispel the warmth of the sun.]
I worry you'll sprain your tail from wagging it too hard.
[For one of Vane's charges to be worried about him... Rank insolence!]